Sunday, May 30, 2010

Suddendly Single

Well Aaron broke up with me last night. I wasn't clear on it and thought it was just him thinking I wanted to be married, but had told him before knowing he doesn't believe in marriage that reflecting on whether I want him in my life without marriage or not having him in my life I chose having him in my life. That discussion was a long time ago so thought it bizarre but that we had cleared things up. Of course this was all happening around 2am. Then at around 7: 30am when we were awake I asked just to be clear were you talking about not being boyfriend/girfriend because of the marriage thing. No. He doesn't think he is giving me what I need as a boyfriend. He is going through a rough time and I guess people who go through rough times don't get steady girlfriends in his mind. Nice of him to decide for me. But he wants to be close best friends. What? Yes....close best friends the same as we are not but with no affection/sex/pet names, etc. I think how much I will miss him but don't know if I am capable of close best friend status either. I had given up on finding anyone and was settling into loving my life and myself regardless of the fact that I was alone when I met him. I need to find that head space again.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

hut 2 3 4

I saw the oddest thing last night. On my walk a woman I thought was talking on her cell phone and she I think she tucked it into her bra on speaker phone. But when we passed each other the voice sounded robotic so I thought maybe she had one of those automated voice "trainer" gizmos. It was weird.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Birthday Highlights

free cabin in Belfair
cross the street to the Hood Canal
oysters claim the beach
bubbles in the cabin
Napoleon Dynamite
tequila
Sideways
chocolate cinnamon cake
made by strong hands
snuggling, sex
and foot massages

Friday, May 7, 2010

The mountain looked like it had a light shining from the bottom up. It was glorius. It has been an emotional week. Last Friday was my bday and it wasn't the best and wasn't the worst one I ever had, nothing of note. Well some things, but I won't note them here.

Then the week came and everything from my wonderful dear coworker and an excellent teacher being laid off, basically - 2 people amazing workers, but low on seniority. Of course that happened the same day 2 teachers fainted when receiving acupuncture by an acupuncturist who has volunteered during teacher appreciation week 3 other years with no one fainting. Now the principal says no more acupuncture. Bummer. And more drama that I can't even get into here about work.

Most heartwretching of all was seeing one of the teachers who had a brain aneurysm. His wife brought him in for the Cinco de my Mayo assembly and it has been a little over a month since the aneurysm. He still has bleeding in the brain is going in for another high risk surgery. And I can't even describe other than that think hopefully as he is a fighter and when he hugged me it was a strong long hug, I hope I hope I hope he makes it through surgery, and comes out the other side. The kids need him, the family needs him, the school needs him, the community needs him.

I need some light right now it is all dark here in my world.