Don't know who said:

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

My mantra alongside...I'm ok I'm ok I'm ok.

Halloween

I was growing my hair for Angela who is an honest to goodness artist and is amazing and she even works with hair. I was going to cut it after Halloween. A friend made me this killer apron and I was going to be a hot housewife with a 50s updo for my guy. Guess I can cut it now. Don't have the guy to be the hottie for, and don't plan on another one. I mean if a thoughtful, kind, strong man in his 40s isn't aware that he really is a good man and there really aren't a lot out there...I just don't understand pushing away someone you love because you are going through a rough time. I am there for the people I love when they are having a rough time, but this time I am being pushed away so am not being allowed to support.

On the bright side I can wait til early July and get a killer do for Jen's wedding. Yup, the one he would still like to attend because he likes my friends. Smart man, of course he likes my friends they are amazing people. Jen said he wants all the fun stuff without the commitment, and that I already have friends for that. Maybe she is right, but don't think that is it. The lonlies last night were so hard.

alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone

Postcard Poetry

I had a workshop with Oliver de la Paz and he had us write poems based on a post card and while perusing garage sales found a yard of 10 for a $1.00 postcards. They have been sitting in a pile for 2 weeks. One I meant to mail to you know who and now tear up thinking about that so need to move on to the other ones. Maybe they have been sitting long enough. Maybe it is time to write.

He sounded so happy tonight. Not a care in the world. No girlfriend no commitment not a care in the world.

Thinking to much

Things we didn't do and were going to:

Las Vegas - Paris, a picture at the Eiffel Tower
Cape Avala
Olympic Music Festival Again
Summer Concerts in Kirkland
BBQing at the park
Seahurst Park

Feeling quite sad in this moment. Chances are would be enroute back here with A by my side. We would watch some Buffy or Six Feet Under then curl up in bed. Sad I miss him and are shared time.

My back is hurting me. The doctor has me on Ibuprofin and vicodin for nighttime. I start physical therapy on Thursday. Have a plumber coming out tomorrow. Have to cancel being on interview committee on Thursday to go to the PT appt. Bummer could have used the overtime.

What I have

I decided to focus on what I have instead of what I lost:
(I know there is more than this, but it feels like these are the important ones)

A beautiful home to live in even if it is a basement!
A job I like more than dislike.
A bountiful garden.
SuperFriends - yup Superman and the Justice League would be jealous.

That is good for now....