I did have something good happen this week, a student who graduated about 4 years ago brought me a dozen red roses, just cuz she missed me....

The sadness has set in...Aaron's lie to me, I don't know why he lied he said he didn't want to hurt my feelings, then why did he tell me now. So it was all a lie. A year and a half wasted. I wish I had never met him. Now I am lonely scared and feel completely ugly.

hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehateshatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehate
hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehateshatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehate
hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehateshatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehate
hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehateshatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehate
hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehateshatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehatehate

In this moment I hate men that lie. I know women lie, but I don't date them.

Sad. Lonely. But I will be ok. I kind of like the quiet. I have to remember it is ok to be alone no matter what the holiday commercials say! I have a great weekend, a long lost friend that I can practice Spanish with Sat morning. Actually she is so busy with her two medically fragile kids, husband and family in Chiapas we just hardly ever see each other. Then possibly a play in the afternoon the a drinking party with Atia. Yay!!Sun, I think Guy and I are hanging out in the afternoon and Shannon and I might get together in the am. She is busy super presenter at major conference all day Saturday so will have to wait and see if she has any energy Sun morning. No weekend for Aaron, only the people in my life who find me beautiful inside and out. Yay me!

It feels good having this chapter of my life closed I can get back to that healthy life I had. Aaron swears he told me he was never physically attracted to me. As if I would spend a year in a half with a man who thought I was ugly. Please. I may have self esteem issues but they aren't that fucked up!

So Aaron told me last night he was never attracted to me physically. So I wasted a year and a half of my life trying to make a relationship work with someone who wasn't into me who was to afraid to hurt my feelings...please. If I had known that upfront I would honestly be about 70 pounds lighter healthier and enjoying my life. A good friend said "it doesn't matter if it is intentional or not his presence in my life leads to me being hurt." True true. Another friend said, "look at my life and my friends and his and how he doesn't have any" and another friend basically said "What a dick!" And these are 3 very intelligent, educated, successful in family/home/work.

So yup I wasted a year and a half with someone who wanted an ethnic Barbie. I found a shallow man cloaked in museums and poetry. Time to get my life back and go back to having a life that brings me joy alone without men because they only bring me pain....