A dear friend sent me a large bouquet of flowers, white Gerbera daisies - gargantuan white Gerbera daisies and some yellow button flowers and yellow daises. Another friend is having a BBQ on Sunday I am making a blueberry pie, and picking up vanilla ice cream.

My friends are my life jackets buoying me along through stormy waters. Thank heavens for my friends. I actually had someone pray for me yesterday. It was really beautiful. She held my hands and said a prayer about protecting my heart. She is quite religious and a beautiful person and am lucky to know her. I am so lucky to have Christian friends that really are non judgemental because I grew up around the judgemental religious type.

Anyway it was a really beautiful moment. I need to focus on those instead of the wretched ones. The wretched ones are smoothing out.

Again I can't let him go even though it may or may not be in my best interst. I know he makes me whole and even if he is only a friend I don't think I can let that go.