Tired

I am tired of being fat. I gained back so much weight after my surgery, and for the first time in several years caved into the holiday eating and feel grotesque. Aaron and I were watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and there was a demon in a round tub, that was basically layers and layers of fat and I thought that is me. I feel gross and plan to clean out the refrigerator tomorrow or actually today. I woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep so have been playing a video game that had me alone with my thoughts. I guess I have been avoiding pitching certain foods, as I know Aaron doesn't like to throw away food. And I get that. But there is no starving homeless person in my kitchen to eat the leftover pumpkin cheesecake so guess who does, the woman who doesn't want it and is depressed over her weight and ready to crawl into bed with a plate of whatever with a sheet over her head, yup me. Today is a good day to pitch the food that isn't being eaten and isn't healthy for me. Also I read of course too late even though I had it before the holidays - my Shape magazine that is that sugar in excess of our daily allowance of 6teaspoons(who knew) weakens cell walls and hence increases blood pressure. So outside of it not being good for a diabetic, it also is helping me stay on my hydrochlorathyazide. And chancea are I spelled that wrong - high blood pressure medicine. I definately need to make some chances and am looking forward to the results.

Merry Merry Everyone

The previous blog post was from Aaron, somehow blogger let him onto my blog instead of his own, oh well. I tend to agree with his thinking.

Anyway, he has a cold now. Has been in bed since late Xmas eve. We had a wonderful dinner which he felt fine at at Glo and John's who sort of adopted me in through there daughter when my mom was alive and sick. Anyway, it was wonderful. Gloria truly loved having him there and it almost felt like a sort of Norman Rockwell but with the right splash of naughty scene. Perhaps more like The Christmas Story as John kept calling Aaron Eric...and then Glo would say something using his name. It was awesome.

So Christmas my baby had a fever, but made it out of bed around 11am and we exchanged gifts. Yes mine are beautiful, red sweater, blue earrings, seahorsey fork thingie- we had gone to a store in Magnolia and discussed how rare it is to find a seahorse...and lots more. I think I surprised him with a couple things, like the Dusty 45's Shackin Up CD, and the Monuments Men book. I had bought him a Columbia City Bakery t-shirt, but it had bleach stains on it -weird, so I called the Bakery and they are letting us exchange it. His temp is down into the 99s so maybe tomorrow we will head out there, but his temp has been going up and down so not sure we will see.

I love the Columbia City Bakery. Yummmy, good note to go eat breakfast on...leftover Christmas tamales..YUMMMMMMM!

Important action and rights to be understood~~

1. Replace Treasurer Tim Geitner with Dr. Stieglitz as soon as possible!!

2. Read and hopefully support the "Declaration of a state of emergency in 2010, by and for homeless people in Seattle and King County" and "Help us to survive & solve homelessness" and "How to get there" on the inside of the front page of the current issue of "REAL CHANGE"; this is similar to a call to arms I wrote and sent into the Mayor and legislature about a year ago...

3. Do not support businesses that condone and support hostile work environments and serious harrassment like Swedish Medical Center, the now gone Broadway Safeway, the lies and set ups to ruin careers of some hard working employees at The Science Center's Fountain's Cafe (circa 2004). Interestingly, the Manager John Kipper and supervisor Robert ? of the Fountain's Cafe were fired. But not before those hard worker's careers there were terminated for fabricated reasons. The Building Managers Jan and Heather of Legacy Partners (circa 2008) who worked at the Seattle Tower also lied, kept people in fear and terminated hard working people for no credible reason. Hopefully the new Real Estate owners and building managers are more fair and honest!

Tolls

Tolls to Trolls

1) Angry threatening parent
2) Work
3) Relationships
4) Holidays
5) Health

Up Next

I need to finish Dummies on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It has helped with A, and it is interesting to see how many people in life actually have sypmtoms of this. A coworker went through major family issues and upon learning this I readily see PTSD symptoms in this worker, but am certain she is not the type open to therapy. To bad, might help. Oh well.

Buffy - season 2 is due today. It is so fun to watch or rewatch the shows with Aaron as he never saw the series and always guesses at what is going to happen. He says he is 70% right, I say 50%. But he has such fun watching it, and his smile..ahhhh.

The lights are now on the tree, and we ran short of garland. So one more garland then all the fun ornaments tonight.

Yay!

Oh Chistmas Tree

Yes, the tree is letting it's branches descend outside. I am hoping it isn't so cold that the branches didn't say frozen up to themselves. It was relatively cheap and I had them cut it down so I could put it on my table, but I don't think enough was cut away so, now I have to rearrange a bit in my small space and make it work on the floor.

I don't really understand how the perfect size tree was actually $15. more and I paid under $15. for my tree. I probably should have had them cut more off when it didn't fit in the trunk. That will be my future tree test.

Anyway decorating it today and dancing around it to celebrate a friends good fortune.

Yay!!!! Christmas tree day. I don't think I have ever bought one this early any suggestions on how to have less needles fall?

Food for thought.

I am reading two books sort of at odds with each other, but both extremely good. The Tenth Muse My Life in Food by Judith Jones and American Idle: A Journey through our Sedentary Culture by Mary Collins. Both are non-fiction and I had to stop the Tenth Muse as American Idle is due at the library sooner.

So if you want to read about a young woman just out of college who ventured off to France after it’s occupation and found a career in food and publishing. This is the book for you. Warning: it may make you squirmishing when she talks about sweetbreads (are those guts or brains?) or drool when she talks about a loaf of bread and cheese in great detail. Let alone the challenges of a single woman in the late 40s making her way in the world. It continues back to the United States with a husband where she experiences everything from being targeted during the communist scare to having a boss a bit jealous of her success and her many triumphs along the way. I can’t wait to finish it.

American Idle is an autobiography about an athlete, a bicyclist who is in a life changing accident. Mary Collins goes from the daily workouts to a still life while she pushes through physical therapy and lives live with an ankle and hip that were shattered/damaged extensively. She starts her journey dicussing how our bodies are designed for the hunter/gatherer lifestyle. She proceeds trying to understand how/why Americans are choosing sometimes involuntarily to not move. Ms. Collins covers everything from her daughter’s organized sports to workers at a potato chip plant and a Harley Davidson factory. Her research also delves into government, urban planning and funding. Areas that honestly I never thought of affecting health. Her research covers income levels and cultures, churches and schools, and the vast array of gov’t programs and non-profit profit and how programs work or don’t. It is one day over due, ok 2 now, but I have to finish it and I am very close to done. Well worth the late fines, but my apologies to the people waiting for the book.

Books to read

American Idle: A journey through our sedentary culture by Mary Collins

and

The Tenth Muse My Secret Life in Food by Judith Jones

Good night...

So far so good

Made it to work the car sounded fine. I am taking it in for its oil change today. Hopefully that will do the trick.

No worries

Well after my work out, I went and paid my car insurance, went an picked up Aaron, we ate and were heading out to the movie and the car died. Now this has happened before, when my car has certain lights come on and says hey I'm tired now, and starts up in the morning. So fingers crossed that it starts up in the morning. I had planned to take it in for an oil change tomorrow which usually makes the car all better as well. The plan is to get a new used car this summer so come on car I just need you to last a little bit more....

And tomorrow

I am trying to figure out how to go pay my car insurance, go to Metropolis, work out, make sandwiches and go pick up Aaron for a movie after work. Why must we have so many expenses that require a full-time job.

Ugh!

Tummy trouble

So I stayed home today and analyzed what I ate yesterday/Saturday night. And the only thing out of the ordinary was Crystal Light. So I googled it. Basically I drank a bunch of chemicals that were not good for my tummy. So it was quite a boring day today. I didn't feel like moving much unless it was to the bathroom. And couldn't focus enough to read. My library book that is due tomorrow is going to be late. Such is life.

Kicked out of my own kitchen

I feel like Marie Peron from Everybody Loves Raymond. Aaron is making omelets and I can't even dice a pepper or slice cheese. He has thrown me out to either walk or this. I chose this. I tend to like to start my walks before 10am especially being diabetic and not having eaten anything yet. Oh and correction it is not an omelet as I do not have an omelet pan it is a scramble. Either way, worth the wait. I might however run across to Parson's Garden just to soak in that beauty.

Aaron made this amazing recipe on Friday, and I am going to see if maybe he will make it for dinner tonight. It is in the end I think a fantastic form of individual serving veggie pizzas. The recipe started from Friends, Family and Food by Josephine Burns Odyssey, but of course we changed it a bit.

Out of Season Tomato Relish (Grand Central Bakery)

1/4 c. olive oil
8 oz diced white onion
8 oz diced leek
1/4 c. rehydrated sun dried tomato- pureed in food processor
28 oz can of diced tomatoes
3 T Balsamic vinegar
1 t Kosher Salt
2 T Brown sugar
1 1/2 cups grated Irish White Cheddar cheese

Saute onions until they begin tgo caramelize, turn down the heat and add the diced leeks. Saute until leaks are tender

Drain juice (save liquid) from the tomatoes, combine the saved liquid with pureed sun dried tomatoes.

Put in sugar and salt in pan with tomato juice and sundried tomatoes. Add balsamic vinegar. Use the tomato mixture to deglaze the onion saute pan. Turn up the heat and stir while the liquid evaporates.


While waiting for the liquid to evaporate, use a baguette or other crusty bread, slice, brush with olive oil and heat at 350 degrees for 6 minutes. Toast at 350

Back to the saute pan add the leaks/onions. Stir in.

Remove bread from oven, lay slices flat. Top bread with diced tomatoes, pureed tomato/leek mix and cheese.

Place in oven just until cheese melts.

I tried to add all of Aaron's tweeks and things that were not necessarily in the original recipe like where to add the sugar and salt. So good luck if it works you will want to eat it for the next week!

Turkey Day Blowout

Ok. At first Thanksgiving was cancelled at my house. Then I had more invitations than I could handle. So today I had a beautiful Thanksgiving at my second family, the Evans. And of course the turkey was perfectly moist, the dressing was yummy and the twice baked potatoes brilliant. And of all things the tiniest peas were delicious. Then Aaron joined me for Phyllis's cocktail party. How that woman does it, I'll never know. She is cooking dinner for 30 people and had a cocktail party for about oh 40 others that are not at the dinner. I can't wait to hear her sing in her chorus December 12th - Seattlites - check it out the Midevil Women's Chorus.
We made the pies yesterday. Apple for tonight. And pecan for Rebecca's tomorrow. And huckleberry at Joani's maybe tomorrow as well. Gym tomorrow. Definately!!!!

A lot to be thankful for, a very thoughtful man who cooks for me and spoils me with massage, and listens and well lots of good stuff. Amazing as in Best Friends of the Universe friends, who are always there for me, whether physically or in spirit. So much more, but those are the most important.

No Black Friday shopping for me. The bank account is dwindled, but we will have leftovers a plenty and recipes for the turkey. It should be a good weekend all the way around.

How lucky am I? Ok not win the lottery lucky, but pretty damn lucky.

Pecan pie

Done. And it looks amazing. I hope the crust is good. Crust what a gross word, but when done well on a pie amazing! Anyway, I ran 1/4 shy of the dark caro syrup so used the light, I am such a rebel. I have a diverse pecan pie for Thanksgiving at Rebecca's. The crust is ready on the apple pie. Aaron is apparently feeling somewhat better, don't know, but he is coming over tonight to help cook the food he said. So I believe I am having brunch at Jenn's, lunch/dinner at Rebecca's and then home for turkey? Who knows. I am not taking any bets and am for certain going to Jenn's and Rebecca's. And I totally get the Aaaron head space. After my brother's murders Jenn in all her loveliness was always inviting me out and many times I said I would go and then cancelled. But she didn't give up on me and look at me now. A little worse for where but overall pretty good.

Ok. I better find that apple pie recipe.

I am starting to get hungry so better eat soon. hmmm food. Good concept for a diabetic.

I am exhausted and the day has barely started...

R's place

Rebecca has invited me to her vegetarian holiday, and I am delighted and honored to attend. Few people make me feel as comfortable as my friends. And I am blessed to have them in my life. I know Jennie would have had me at her folk's brunch, but it sounds like a reunion of sorts for the out of town son, so I would have felt like I was crashing. Anyway going home, making a pecan pie for R's. Going to Joani's tonight. Good people in my life. Lots to be thankful for.

Bummer

Aaron is having a really off time right now so I won't see him Thursday and since it was only me and one other couple who was having a brunch earlier I am cancelling the dinner/dessert for Thanksgiving Day.

I get this. After the deaths, my beautiful friend Jenn would invite me out and I would either decline or cancel at the last minute.

Isn't it the lonliest thought in the world to have to cook a turkey because you paid for it and is defrosted and it will go bad if you don't on Thanksgiving Day. How utterly suicidal. (The thought, not me after what I have lived through I am not taking myself out of this world)

Oh well. All dressed up and no place to go. My life story.

Arms

I just attempted the arms version of the bellydancing DVD dang! I think I did 5 minutes maybe. Lets just say this is on my to buy list of DVDs. The soccer coach has invited me to start training with the soccer players as he knows I am still struggling getting back into the work outs. I am doing better though and my blood sugar numbers have been good so we will see.

Snowflakes

The students are making snowflakes today. We have a smallbank sloping against the printer. I am trying to figure out how we will work around the skylight that has a gaping hole with a ceiling to high to send the kids up the ladder to hang our bounty. One made the smallest most delicate design. I love to see their creativity in action. It was absolutely adorable I had one student putting a cardboard box with plastic in the recyling. I explained that the plastic that seals boxes is called shrinkwrap and isn't recyclable. She told me how I teach her so much about saving the planet and everything. I love these kids. They are old teenagers and yet so young. Feisty Furious and absolutely loveable!

Sometimes

Sometimes I wish I were a wave, back and forth finding my rhythm, crashing against rocks, swirling in tides, creating a force to be reckoned with, and then I go and get seasick!

2 more days

I can hardly wait! I am reading The Tenth Muse My Life in Food by Judith Jones, and it tends to make my mouth water. Dang if I had known I could have a career in food and actually had the confidence to pursue it from a literary angle. How incredible. If I had started earlier, I would probably have a different menu for Thursday, but will do the traditional fare for Thanksgiving. Sorry vegetarians. I have cooked Thanksgiving for vegetarians before, but this year have all carnivores coming to dine. And several for dessert. Dessert will be made tomorrow, starting with the pumpkin cheesecake. Then the pecan pie. And finishing with the apple pie. Yummy!
I am only working half a day tomorrow to help with this dessert extravaganza and I can't wait! Pumpkin Pecans Pie OH MY!!

Friday

Thanks Universe. No crazy parents yesterday.

Friday today, Precious opens and I am driving straight from work to the theater to watch it with him. I can't wait.

And good news, I just found another Christmas present for someone who I was having trouble thinking of what to buy. Yay!

Off to da job....ugh!

I just don't want to go

I just don't want to go to work today. I left in tears yesterday. I know the guy was a total wife beater who made sure to keep his blows to the body. So he could charm his way through the rest of the world. The two screaming swearing glaring parents were fine compared to him, but I need a day of rest.

I am cooking Thanksgiving dinner so took Wed afternoon off so I just have to make it til then...

Petition

Lord grant me no crazy parents today.
not the ranters and ravers
crying of racism and wrongdoings.

Nor the real danger,
the ones you know beat their partners
at home in hidden places

No charmers or gimmickers
No sales people
No non stop ringing phone

Lord keep the crazies home today
leaving the children to contend with
while school stays a safe place

Doubt

I think they should make a movie about real doubts that go on not the incredibly horrible movie with that title. My mind is the Doubt Ocean today, conveniently adjacent to the Pacific.

Off

I am off this morning. I feel like if I poured a mug of cofee I would miss the mug. I wouldn't scorch my hand, but would definately have coffee all over the counter and floor. There is a fog in my head and I don't like it!

Good people

I have such good people in my life. Thanks Mary for sharing this:

Earth, Teach Me

Earth teach me quiet ~ as the grasses are still with new light.
Earth teach me suffering ~ as old stones suffer with memory.
Earth teach me humility ~ as blossoms are humble with beginning.
Earth teach me caring ~ as mothers nurture their young.
Earth teach me courage ~ as the tree that stands alone.
Earth teach me limitation ~ as the ant that crawls on the ground.
Earth teach me freedom ~ as the eagle that soars in the sky.
Earth teach me acceptance ~ as the leaves that die each fall.
Earth teach me renewal ~ as the seed that rises in the spring.
Earth teach me to forget myself ~ as melted snow forgets its life.
Earth teach me to remember kindness ~ as dry fields weep with rain.

An Ute Prayer

It was a very interesting weekend. I had a bad reaction to a medicine I am supposed to building up to taking. I am sticking to my half dosage. I have to work, walk, etc and the full dosage has me in the bathroom or fetal position in bed. Aaron took good care of me though. I heard some poetry on Friday night. I especially enjoyed Catalina Cantu's and Gabe Morales work. The emcee kept rushing up and quickly reading another poem by another published poet, and it just squashed the readers voice to me. I like to have the words soak into me unfettered, instead they were jarred out of me rudely replaced and then the next poet came up. So at least I got to enjoy a couple voices. Then Saturday the first day I experimented with taking the full dosage and had to ditch Aaron and run into a Walgreens to use the bathroom. He called as he was standing in the rain outside the condo complex he was buying a drill off a guy (craigslist), poor guy I said I have to use a bathroom or I am going to shit my pants, I will be right back. My poor Baby, then we found a Ross and shopped there, I found a great man's exercise shirt- moisture wicking and all that in woman's would have been about $10 more, so bought the mens.

Cashback - what a great movie. With a very romantic scene, walking through a frozen snowstorm...just watch it trust me. Then today we watched Floundering, also a very good movie. Truly would watch them more than once without a problem.

Then errands, and we were near Greenlake and decided to walk the lake. It was beautiful. In the summer Greenlake is swamped with people and there is always somebody's sweat flying on me when they run/bike or blade by me. It is incredibly gross. But today was beautiful. People all clothed in there fall warmies, no one with sweating flying off them, room for everyone. No bikers, one blader and the trees in all their red yellow glory. A definate thing I will do again. It worked well to as I didn't feel like Bellydancing today. (I did though 4 times last week, and it is so incredibly cool, just wanted to change things up today). After making myself sniff the items in the freezer, found out the salmon was on the verge of freezer burn so Aaron and I made salmon patties. Ok Aaron gave me this killer massage. I checked a reflexology chart, because yesterday and today my feet when not wearing sneakers are killing me. I decided it was the medicine. Unfortunately I hardly had any water yesterday and today so it is taking it's time working its way out of my system. And the foot charts seem to line up with all the areas the medicine affect so definately going to half dosage. So after a phenomenal massage, cooked excellent homemade salmon burgers, and pasta with chantrelles and broccoli. Yummy.

This morning my blood sugar was 95 or 96 I don't remember. Last night it was 101 and right now it is....103 very very good! And it was on half the dosage, although I swear that full dose is still in my system, because I never had sore feet! Ugh. Overall though who can complain. An amazing boyfriend, a great massage, a yummy dinner, and a nightcap of Trivial Pursuit...I lost this time, still fun though.

Meds

The doctor told me she wanted me up to one full pill twice a day. So I attempted the full pill this morning and while waiting for A to pick up drill, I called his phone and told him I would be right back I had to find bathroom or I was going to shit my pants. I hate this medicine. I hate this medicine enough to do the hard core workouts I did when I wasn't on this medicine. I am not taking a half a pill tonight or a full pill tonight. I will start with the half pill again tomorrow morning and evening and some serious exercise. I can't be driven to the bathroom at any moment because of a tiny little pill. Yuck!

Groovin'

I did the majority of the Belly Dancing Cardio section. There is one part in the work out that has a lot of moves not in the library of moves, but it still was about a 30/35 minute workout so that is cool. My blood sugar tonight is gosh now I don't remember, I think 117 this morning it was 101 so it is coming back down. I need to get my eating under control. It has been hard this week, and I figured out why on Tuesday when my period started. About 1.5 years ago the doctor changed my pill and I love the one she put me on as I don't get so drama laden and the irritable bitch syndrome is severly reduced (you will have to trust me on this). Now I just fight insecure feelings...fun for me. And the great bonus was that I didn't have a period every month so when I have one it throws me...runs me down, makes me crave everything, honest no small babies safe : 0 so hopefully by Sunday this will have run its course and I can go back to eating healthy and working out. Although compared to other times the eating has only been mildly out of control.

Now I just need to finish some laundry and I can go to bed!

Sight

I was driving home and almost home. Just pulling out of the grocery store. I felt my eyes close even though they were open. It was like they were closed saying I am done now, go away world.

Coffee?

I woke up at 5am today, but couldn't make myself bellydance. I hit the snooze alarm repeatedly until 6am, and then scrambled (not eggs) but myself to get in a shower and get to work on time. What is up with that? I even went to bed early, not early enough I guess.

Impromptu

I almost forgot. If you have not seen the movie Impromptu, you must! George Sands, Frederick Chopin disdain to love. Now I want a movie that tells the rest of the story.

This clip is not from the movie, but after the Art of the Piano, yes I am a Horowitz fan, and of course Chopin.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x93pwAvUkAA

CC continued

Aaron and I are thinking about moving to Columbia City. Not anytime soon, but eventually. We are going to spend weekends exploring it to see if it is where we want to hang our hats. The KC Fower and gift shop is amazing and had the most beautiful blue thistle, let alone the perfect Christmas present that yes my pretty little girl side loves, and yes Aaron bought it for me. He told me I could know one of my presents. I can't wait to surprise him with his, but lets just say they are good!

And yes Chocolati Capaccino Almonds are quite possible one of the best things in the world. - Use your Entertainment Book coupon and buy me the biggest box of them you can actually with your coupon you can buy two for the price of one. Of course you should give them both to me. (the espresso caramels aren't bad either, but the capaccino almonds are by far the best)

Coumbia City Bakery

I am going to the Columbia City Bakery. I love every baker there and so does Aaron so I think it may me a menage a trois or a flat out orgy this morning. Pumpkin pie to the max! Or perhaps a lemon bar, and I bet they make a killer breakfast, yummmy. Geez, I think that my stomach rumbling just woke anyone still asleep up!

Poems and Pumpkins

I read at Bookfest this weekend and it felt great! The crowd was extremely small maybe 25 people. The organizer thought Bookfest was adverstising, oops, got that wrong. Even so I still at some level forget the audience (not too much, have to check in on their engagement factor) and read. It felt good. When I sat down next to a playwrite/shortstory writer, she said, Damn girl, so I figure I did my job. I mean isn't that what a reading is? That is how I view it I want to astound and amaze through words. Maybe Spalding Gray was hoaky to some people, but he was the first person I saw who kept an auditorium full of people enthralled with words. Just words. He sat at a table and read from his loose script and the whole audience was silent or laughing and it was the most beautiful feeling, my soul hatched butterflies, it was marvy/fabulous and made me cravenous. (I don't know if that is a word, but I like it)

After the reading, we came home and carved pumkins. Aaron's is one of those tall lean pumpkins like him, and mine is short and squat with a grin that has that totally evil/silly thing going on and it frightens me horribly.


For my support team in life: BS morning mostly 94 - 104 and after today, making a more conscious effort to check it in the evening. Still bellydancing.


And now here is the poem I read:

Hunting Season
for Tony

I searched all the no tell motels and found him. Finally. Rather than stay and face me he ran. Not far enough. The rumpled bed sheets and peeling wallpaper hinted at despair. Not nearly enough. I craved torture, but the rabbit might find his hole. All the crucifixes adorning his light fixture would not save his Christian ass. Redemption, too late for that and not nearly enough. He stands at the window, vertical blinds disturbed by his movement of the AK47. The gun he points at me means nothing.

Be content now. Know that I have skinned the rabbit. Take my ashes far from this rot. Return to our woods where we skinny dipped. Scatter me along the lake, feed me to the fish. Then catch one fry it up and eat.
Marta Sanchez

Pink eye

I am stuck at home with Pink eye. I hate this!

Mammoth band aid

I have a mammoth band aid on my palm. I fell going up the stairs at the grocery store and landed with the keys digging into my palm. A piece of me lies on the Safeway floor. As I was walking along I noticed my palm dripping. Determined to get the cheese for the soup and the bread, I ran all over the store holding my hand palm up. Then Aaron drove us home, and had to put all the soup fixin's together. Of course he bandaged me up before starting our dinner. Did I mention how spoil't I am ...SPOILED!

Thanks my love, Aaron, you are the butter to my bread (Julia Childs)

Hope

I woke up this morning alive. It was a good alive. After running in my sleep, yes I read Ann Ross's Miss Julia series and it is as close as I will come to reading mysterious as the stories involve an elderly/senior woman who always finds her way into bulgarly/town politics/murder etc and the lastest read had me running in my sleep. But this time I knew I wasn't in danger. Unlike The Savage Season which had me wake up remembering two snipers aiming their guns at me as I crouched alongside a car. But I digress. I woke up alive alive and my blood sugar was 94 - really good, and I gave myself a Reike treatment, then did bellydancing and then ate a wonderful scrambled egg with mushrooms, a red and a gree pepper, basil, cheese and secret spices Aaron puts in. Damn that man can cook a good breakfast. I am so spoiled in the morning, my house must smell like rotten eggs, cuz that is how he makes me feel, spoiled rotten. And I love it!!

I can't wait for the bells

I did more bellydancing tonight. It was a little easier. And followed up with trying a core workout video. Not quite there yet. The best part was Aaron starting the bellydancing video with me and then just letting me and watching the video. We agreed yes it is a sexy form of working out. I love really being in my hips afterwords. I think I sit up straighter too!

Tomorrow I will try the other bellydancing video and the dancing for weightloss video. I am just testing them out through the library to see which ones I want to buy and keep when I don't feel like going to the gym. I will start back up with Mark in December. The weight lifting is important as there is literally a 100% increase in weightloss when one incorporates weights so am looking forward to December.

I still need to get my afternoon binging under control, but not giving up, pressing on, I will reign it in!

We have the DVD The Art of the Piano, and hopefully will watch that tonight, but we might go the Fiddler's Inn too.

Who knows! I can't wait have a meeting about the reading on Sunday the 25th. I can hardly wait!

Oh and for my support team. I forgot to take my BS this morning, but it was 98 yesterday morning.

Catching up

BS - yesterday am:98
PM: 95

Today am: 104
afternoon 80

I got the bloodwork from my doc and everything, but my triglycerides are in the right range. Fortunately, I am working to correct that. I have been making my lunches and dinners more so am getting my nutrition end squared away. I just received about 4 videos from the library ranging from Bellydancing for weightloss to Core exercises so am gradually re-incorporating work outs. I do actually miss the gym. I like to do the intervals on the treadmill, ok yes I may sometimes feel like I hate it, but am looking forward to work slowing down so I have some more energy to go to the gym. I know catch 22 the workouts/gym will give me more energy, but just am too tired to even make it there. Oh well.

In the meantime I am extremely excited about reading at Bookfest, I have a poem I really like so fingers crossed that it all goes right.

Kiteboarding

2 Saturdays ago, Aaron and I went to Golden Gardens. I saw the most beautiful thing I have seen in a long time. Man and nature, a symbiotic relationship. I craved a 120lb. body, a kiteboard a kite, and the carefreeness of a 20something. The colors were far more dazzling. The boys were lifted in the air by the caught wind and landed with crashes. Grins lit enough for this beachdweller to see. I want to be the kite. Or maybe the wind. Or maybe the young boys. This is my craving for the day.

Prose

http://pugnaciouspinoy.blogspot.com/

Oliver de la Paz, I just finished a workshop with him on prose/genre/poetry/rules/guidelines, etc. It was one of the best workshops I have been to. I am off to write at Bustle. He had me start a poem that I am flushing out for my spot in the Nortenos Day of the Dead reading at Bookfest on Sunday, October 25th, 5 or 6pm. I can't wait.

Slipping

It can be a slippery slope as I start again, so to recap

BS- yesterday am 98 (not quite sure ate fast food late)
PM - don't know

And going to check this morning.

I took the day off and am exhausted. I worked my normal shift went to watch the girls play soccer was back in the office at 5pm and worked until 8:30pm. Came home talked to the wonderful Aaron for about an hour and crawled into bed. I am going to miss him this weekend. He is back in P.A. helping his mom with the yard. Oh well. At least he is the type of man who will help his mom when she asks. Off to get my car looked at, it sounds like a rocket ship blasting off so hope it is just the muffler. And I will remember that food does not make the car news better whatever the news is!

A good night

Evening blood sugar 111
Morning bs: 111

The numbers

Ok, so I won't be afraid of the numbers I might as well post those to:

Weight (as of at the doctor's office Friday): 277.8
blood sugar this am: 118

Weight: - I had been down to 262 for my surgery. Prior to that was at 305 and that wasn't even my high, just when I finally weighed in. I won't go back there. I have my lunch and snacks packed. So am ready for the day.

Blood sugar: - In the morning in Feb. when I had my surgery is was normally in the
90's with a high of 107 ir 110. The nutritionist says under 120 in the am so still good, but better in the 90s. The 80s for me has felt uncomfortable so I will shoot for the 90s again. Maybe a walk after dinner AB?

The evenings is supposed to be under 160, last nights was 135. Previously it was
107 - 114, definately need to be getting my walks in.

Ok, off to my day job.

I forgot

How could I forget to comment on my amazing man and his support. Let me just say, he cares about my health and not my appearance. Or at least he is attracted to me in spite of the weight, and he doesn't want me to end up a skinny minnie either. That is what is key. I grew up where it was all about appearance and not health and heard a lot of if you only lost 10 pounds think how pretty you would be. Nice backhanded compliments or in other words no compliment at all. Ahhh reflection. The good part is that a comment like that would have floored me before, and I would have gone home and binged, and now after a recent similar one I remembered it is about that person. I care about my health. I want to be here for Aaron, Jenn, Lorena (her boys), Ellyn, Erica and Eugene, Deanna, etc. So the first step for me has been eating better. I had a pretty good day yesterday. And have a good plan for today as well. And Aaron will be here tonight for lettuce wraps...yummy. I love him so much. He is my heart. Got to run off and be an adult now.

I think the economy is making everyone sick.

Yes. I went to the doctor yesterday and we talked about my weight gain. And how where I work I am the sole full-time person in the equivalent of a 1200 person building. Joy. Joy. In R's words...My Glamorous Job ...

But then I went and paid my car insurance. And oddly enough my insurance agent is my friend or more importantly was my friend before she was an insurance agent. She is getting married in July to a great guy and I am so happy for her. Anyway she of course noticed the bloody bandage on my hand, and it was gross this time. There was a new vampire in the lab, and I got queasy even pulling it off when I got home. But I digress. Jenn always inquires as to my health, we have done long walks on a weekly basis, had healthy meals together, and girl talk so she sincerely is concerned about me as a person. I don't know why that amazes me that someone on this earth actually cares about me, but it does. Anyway I told her A would loose basically close to 70 pounds by her wedding day. She made me shake on it and was very excited. It was extremely funny. So I guess I better get back on it.

And with that if there is any reader out there wanting to send inspiring comments that would be welcome!

I'm back...

More tonight.

Saturday, in the Park

Ok, I have the Chicago song in my head I don't know why. A and I went to the high school football game and left with 8 minutes left in the 4th quarter. We were ahead 24 to 0, it was amazing. The school football team, lets just say umm doesn't normally do so well. The boys caught passes, intercepted the ball, and somehow bounced up after being nailed with sledgehammers (ah youth). I am so proud of the kiddies. Between them and the girls soccer team that is so close to almost winning, although I am told this Thursday there is a major chance of victory. Yes, while I generally speaking only like professional sports if I am actually at the sport watching, I love watching my kids play.

After the game we came home watched a nonengaging arthouse film about some cult octopus evil character and played backgammon. I say A cheated, and he says no. I forget I am not supposed to be nice when I play games so it was probably my fault. Heck I even felt guilty at basketball try outs in high school because I didn't want to compete against my friends and so slacked off. The gym teacher when we were playing in class would say somewhat angrily, why are you not on the team. See gym was different, it was a class a grade where I was supposed to play hard with my friends against my friends so it was ok. Ah life.

Anyway woke up and went to go get coffee at you know it Bustle. Realized someone had opened my gas tank, hopefully not putting anything in it (so far so good) and and taken out my side view passenger mirror.

A had a lot of things happen to his car by someone who is still harassing him so is worried, and from that side I am a little scared. I talked to one of my bestest friends who happens to be a lawyer, just to hear her confirm file a police report. So I did. That way if a pattern starts everything will be legally documented. Ugh.
Thank goodness I have such good friends. Some in some powerful positions so I guess I shouldn't be too worried.

Everyone send good vibes though!!!

Exhaustion

School is exhausting. Even so now I am involved in Bookfest and reading for Los Nortenos on Sunday, October 25th, and possibly again on November 6th for the Day of the Dead at Phinney Ridge. This is all after Murder of Prose reads on October 2nd. Which should be interesting as one writer said she was not inviting anyone and another said she would bring her partner. I offered to make postcards, but after thinking on this I thought why bother. As it stands only one writer said he had a bunch of people wanting to hear him read. So what exactly is a bunch? Lets just say I sent out 25 postcards for the last reading and had 18 people show up. But I guess if people aren't going to bring an audience it is going to be a reality check to them when no one shows up to the reading. Some lessons need to be learned the hard way. Seems I never stop being an educator...dang!

writing

I have a poem in my head and instead of getting my journal and writing it down I keep coming over to this infernal computer and playing Astropop. Yes. I am resisting writing. Like a little kid, anything but cleaning my room. I need to quit procrasting and just write the damn poem. I believe it is called Markings. So see it is all done. I title it normally at the end, but uh guess if I remember all the edits I made in my head it should be fine. Right...right. Where is that red pen and does it fit inside my ear?

Tired

All I want to do is sleep.

A massage before I sleep

Blackened Salmon, chopped Romaine, thick slices of parmesian, sailboats, and for dessert an hour long+ massage. What a good man to take such good care of me in this hectic work week. He is off to help his mom this weekend, and I am going to miss him wholeheartedly.

Blueberries

I had the best blueberry pancakes last night. And am exhausted tonight. Aaron is going to come over and he was going to cook again, but am really wantging something even remotely um healthy so am going out for a caeser salad with salmon. Yes we have an ent. coupon for $20. off dinner so we should get a good deal. I am so tired. I forgot how early 5:30am comes. I can't wait to sleep in and then work out on Saturday. If I didn't think I would fall asleep driving to the gym I would have gone today. The office has been insane. Parents and students and phones and emails and payroll, etc. etc. etc. As I was leaving in the parking lot after I told myself I was leaving on time, and it was 20 minutes past a teacher came running after me to get into the office. I feel guilty that I waved her away, but hell I don't think I even went to the bathroom today. Yikes, my poor bladder and kidneys! The principal was still there and there were a couple custodians around so I shouldn't feel too guilty it isn't my fault she left her stuff in the office.

Crazy. In another week we will have hired someone and after waiting for HR we will have someone in about 2 weeks so I will have some help. Of course then I won't need it, but such is the world of unions and the slowest HR dept. in the world. Ugh. Tomorrow is Friday though. Tomorrow is Friday. Tomorrow is Friday.

Donde esta Nedra?

Rebecca,

Where is Nedra, I want to read more Nedra. I want to feel more bees in my mouth, do you think the raspberry jam will attract them?

Marta

I am trying to find the energy to make chicken fajitas. I have the sauce, peppers and onions. Peppers from the farmers market and onion from my garden. I planted my peppers to close to the tomatoes (which are covering my counter) and so I must rely on the farmers gathering to buy one of my favorites. I had the day off - Labor Day, and went to work out at the gym. There is a room sealed off in some type of clear plastic there is a note on the door. The note reads something to the effect of this room must be paid for in advance and can only be used 30 minutes a day. If you start feeling faint or dizzy.... I just keep picturing a human gerbil on display only instead of the wheel you get to pick a treadmill or a stairmaster. Of course I had to ask the manager what it was, and he said you burn three times the calories when working out in that room. I didn't ask for the research behind it, but think it must have something to do with being watched. The room just begs for it, clear glass a workout machine, and now it is time for Frito..I mean Frank the human gerbil...can't you hear the ringmaster....

Jam Session

I didn't quite have enough raspberries so I added plum to my virgin freezer jam expedition. There are some that say freezer jam doesn't taste as good as stovetop jam and there are some that prefer freezer jam. I don't know. I do know my stovetop jam had a tendency to turn into soft hard candy, not quite syrup, not quite candy. So crossing my fingers that this works. But I like the looks of 3 fancy plastic ware containers on my counter resting until it is time to go in the freezer. I can't wait to try it!!!

Schools out for summer

Hey what happened, who is ending summer on me? Dang. School starts Wednesday. No strikes or such. I think our district recognizes that hello there is no money out there, the economy still sucks (in spite of what your local news says as Ursula Rucker says Don't believe the media and so I get a whole bunch of kiddies back and teachers this week. Ok. The really good amazing side of this.

I suspect I will work at a minimum 8.5 hour days, but probably 9.5 hour days this week/month. Aaron is going to come over and cook me dinner Wed and Thursday so I can just come home and relax. Isn't that the most thoughtful thing. I am loving this journey he and I are taking.

If you are going back to school enjoy. If you are not and don't know Ursuala Rucker or her work then consider this school:

http://www.myspace.com/ursularucker

Say it with me now: Single Payer Health Care

Uncivil Discourse
Friday 04 September 2009
by: Bill Moyers | Visit article original @ Bill Moyers Journal


Bill Moyers: The editors of THE ECONOMIST magazine say America's health care debate has become a touch delirious, with people accusing each other of being evil-mongers, dealers in death, and un-American.
Well, that's charitable.
I would say it's more deranged than delirious, and definitely not un-American.
Those crackpots on the right praying for Obama to die and be sent to hell — they're the warp and woof of home-grown nuttiness. So is the creature from the Second Amendment who showed up at the President's rally armed to the teeth. He's certainly one of us. Red, white, and blue kooks are as American as apple pie and conspiracy theories.
Also See: Henry A. Giroux | Living in a Culture of Cruelty: Democracy as Spectacle
Bill Maher asked me on his show last week if America is still a great nation. I should have said it's the greatest show on earth. Forget what you learned in civics about the Founding Fathers — we're the children of Barnum and Bailey, our founding con men. Their freak show was the forerunner of today's talk radio.
Speaking of which: we've posted on our website an essay by the media scholar Henry Giroux. He describes the growing domination of hate radio as one of the crucial elements in a "culture of cruelty" increasingly marked by overt racism, hostility and disdain for others, coupled with a simmering threat of mob violence toward any political figure who believes health care reform is the most vital of safety nets, especially now that the central issue of life and politics is no longer about working to get ahead, but struggling simply to survive.
So here we are, wallowing in our dysfunction. Governed — if you listen to the rabble rousers — by a black nationalist from Kenya smuggled into the United States to kill Sarah Palin's baby. And yes, I could almost buy their belief that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction, only I think he shipped them to Washington, where they've been recycled as lobbyists and trained in the alchemy of money laundering, which turns an old-fashioned bribe into a First Amendment right.
Only in a fantasy capital like Washington could Sunday morning talk shows become the high church of conventional wisdom, with partisan shills treated as holy men whose gospel of prosperity always seems to boil down to lower taxes for the rich.
Poor Obama. He came to town preaching the religion of nice. But every time he bows politely, the harder the Republicans kick him.
No one's ever conquered Washington politics by constantly saying "pretty please" to the guys trying to cut your throat.
Let's get on with it, Mr. President. We're up the proverbial creek with spaghetti as our paddle. This health care thing could have been the crossing of the Delaware, the turning point in the next American Revolution — the moment we put the mercenaries to rout, as General Washington did the Hessians at Trenton. We could have stamped our victory "Made in the USA." We could have said to the world, "Look what we did!" And we could have turned to each other and said, "Thank you."
As it is, we're about to get health care reform that measures human beings only in corporate terms of a cost-benefit analysis. I mean this is topsy-turvy — we should be treating health as a condition, not a commodity.
As we speak, Pfizer, the world's largest drug maker, has been fined a record $2.3 billion dollars as a civil and criminal — yes, that's criminal, as in fraud — penalty for promoting prescription drugs with the subtlety of the Russian mafia. It's the fourth time in a decade Pfizer's been called on the carpet. And these are the people into whose tender mercies Congress and the White House would deliver us?
Come on, Mr. President. Show us America is more than a circus or a market. Remind us of our greatness as a democracy. When you speak to Congress next week, just come out and say it. We thought we heard you say during the campaign last year that you want a government run insurance plan alongside private insurance — mostly premium-based, with subsidies for low-and-moderate income people. Open to all individuals and employees who want to join and with everyone free to choose the doctors we want. We thought you said Uncle Sam would sign on as our tough, cost-minded negotiator standing up to the cartel of drug and insurance companies and Wall Street investors whose only interest is a company's share price and profits.
Here's a suggestion, Mr. President: ask Josh Marshall to draft your speech. Josh is the founder of the website talkingpointsmemo.com. He's a journalist and historian, not a politician. He doesn't split things down the middle and call it a victory for the masses. He's offered the simplest and most accurate description yet of a public insurance plan — one that essentially asks people: would you like the option — the voluntary option — of buying into Medicare before you're 65? Check it out, Mr. President.
This health care thing is make or break for your leadership, but for us, it's life and death. No more Mr. Nice Guy, Mr. President. We need a fighter.
That's it for the Journal. I'm Bill Moyers. See you next time.


In America, we have the best government money can buy.......

Wet

I did the stairs and at the bottom there was a dead mouse. The last time I did the stairs there was a dead squirrel at the top. I think it is time to return to the gym, no dead animals. Yes I have a phobia about dead animals, years of living with older brothers.

Oh summoned to the table for fresh made blueberry pancakes.

YUMMY!

Magic Man

Aaron is magic. He can soothe me much like Jonathan Kingham's music. Anyway, Aaron is making me blackened orange chicken tonight for dinner. Yummy!

No Fun

Ok. My doctor said my periods would start getting worse again, but does the PMS have to too? Outside of last Friday's meltdown, and having every machine I touched at work this week to the waiting game and phenomenally lousy tickets for a travesty of a show I waited for 2 years to see to today. Yes today when I was excited after balancing my checkbook to see yes I have money for birthday presents for others of course to getting ready to leave to meet a couple friends for lunch and I couldn't find my wallet. Now this is of course the Friday of a holiday weekend and I know people will be driving like freaks and all so do I really want to drive to West Seattle? No. However, if I don't find my wallet I need to have some money on me as it is a 3 day weekend. So I drive to the credit union and miss my turn on the way. Lovely. Driving home I call and tell my friends unless I find my wallet quickly I won't make it as it is past the meeting time anyway. So I get there have a great lunch and visit. Then go to the dollar store because they always have ginourmous gift bags for things like pillows as a wedding present and do they have any. NO. Of course not. In the store I think of calling Aaron to see if he wants anything, but is my phone in my pocket where it should be as I used it to let my friends know I was on my way? No. Is it in the car? No. I figure it must have slipped into the back seat as it does sometimes. And yes it is there. Am I leaving the house to get my soap/shoes and cards I had planned on doing today? NO. Am I asking Aaron to drive this weekend yes. I am not taking any chances as it is one of those extra special PMS times for me. Lucky me.

A Little Disappointing

As you may have read by now yesterday going to see Wicked was a disappointment.

The day started out so promising. I found a new bus route to A's. Then I waited for him to put in a DVD, and flip through some coupons, then we waited for a bus, and we waited for the bus and we waited for the bus, then we went to get him some food at McDonald's and then I told him we didn't have time to go to a bookstore so we finally went to the box office where weyes you all know the word waited in line for tickets. Key word waiting....By the time we got there all the good seats were gone. So I paid way to much money for bad seats. I hate that. Honestly. I won't ever do that again. If you can't see the faces of the actors it is a waste of money. And I intentionally got the day off to go because I would be able to get the good seats for a matinee instead of sitting in the fucking poor section. So watching a show that I couldn't really see and seeing how the director's interpretation well missed some of the highlights of the book - I get that you only have 2- 3 hours for a play - to utterly changing the ending of the original book/TV show/movie to a Disneyesque ending sucked. The best part of the day was having clam chowder at Von's after the play. Next time on the first of the month I will go and wait in line at the box office after work. Apparently they open at 10am. On Wed night there were still good seats available so it is my own fault. But yes I will never pay for tickets again when I can't see the actor's faces. It is so not worth it!!!

harumph

Wicked the play, some stories have unpleasant endings for a reason, what was the director thinking... lets take the story and make it Disneyesque??? Why? Why? Why?

Aaahaaaaaaa

It is a Wicked morning and with sun a rising any Wicked thing could happen. Mirror mirror on the wall what Wicked thing will befall?

Off to be Wicked, you all be good now.

A fly just flew on my super big old school monitor...can you hear it Help me Help me Help me.

It looks like a kind fly like it has more character than germs.

hmmm

When I was leaving the new writing group Murder of Crows tonight. Which was interesting. I will leave that there. I love the women and the varying skill levels ok, not leaving there, because I feel like such a phony. In the past I wrote 3-15 minute pieces and now I struggle filling up a page. So tonight I am walking out with one of the girls who finished first in a marathon (in her 20s) with a plate (previously of cucumber sandwiches and cherry tomatoes and some guy yells from a car, put down the plate and lose some weight or some other derogatory statement involving the word fat. I was so engrossed in our conversation and honestly realize at this stage of my life that the statement was more a comment about the person yelling than me. But damn if my little 20 year old friend didn't yell something like Fuck you Asshole. And gosh the sweetness of her defending me I realize now makes me tear a little. Yes. In the past I would have been up all night with my low self esteem doing crunches as opposed to oh say having a slice of marionberry pie. But even that would be reactionary, because I am sated now. So I don't need the pie, and yes the crunches would be good, and maybe I will do them, but strictly because I have been doing them all along as I try to embrace my workouts again. I just don't want to do them as a reaction to the person I don't know from Adam trying to make me a bad person. So thanks to my heroine tonight. And thank goodness I am finally learning to let things go without eating through it. I will get better at this emotional eating thing. Actually I am already getting better at it. So once I can start consistently doing my work outs again the weight should start falling off again. And damn I hate spending so much time talking/writing/blogging about weight. How much time do women spend a day thinking about weight/fashion/makeup/bodytype, etc. etc. etc. Dang. So back to the important stuff Murder of Crows is having a poetry reading October 2nd at the Phinney Ridge Community Center I forget what time, and I am kind of excited about it. Something about tonight. I kind of feel like a poet again tonight, it feels good. How I have missed that feeling....Oh I can't fight this feeling anymore, ...is running through my head... sing it Steve Perry...was it Steve Perry or wait was it REO Speedwagon hmmm??? (Or is my musical illiteracy completely showing now)

Quiet times

Comforter

Ovaltine in a huge pink mug
relishing the smooth taste
the tv blares
and the keys softly type type type

pillows
one, two, three, four,
and another that is square
wait for me

to cast a spell
and give me dreams
not the one with the two
rifles aimed at me

a quiet one
for a quiet night

And laughter

Yes laughter. He always pulls a rap out of his butt that includes the audience and it is usually cause for laughter especially when he includes messing up in the rap.

Jonathon Kingham

The man's voice soothes me. Aaron and I just heard him play at Madison Park. He is still amazing. Still hot. And his voice/music still soothes me. I was at work at 7:30 and usually leave at 3:30 was on my feet all day and had to be nice to about 100 strangers. Then I had a student crisis at about 3: 40pm so much for leaving on time. I left at 3:57 went to pick up dinner and had about a half an hour of downtime before I had to go get Aaron and drive to Madison Park. Oh did I mention the parent meltdown in the office. Geesh! And yes I am a bitch. I am genuinely nice with bitchy moments. And Jonathan's voice/music soothes this savage beast.

http://www.jonathankingham.com/discography.asp

And another thing

I am working really hard on not judging people. I felt I was lapsing into old habits so am extremely concious of value judgements. I don't want the religious folk to judge me and that movie is one big gavel.

Ok

And yes there was some valid points. Scientology believing in E.T.s, etc. The gov'ts that are actually run by religious rules that say it isn't religion it is politics. It still. I feel icky and gross like when A was watching Bill Moyers and the topic was racism. I don't want the hate monger phrases bellowing into my house. Trust me with this dark skin, I know the hate mongers are out there. But I don't blame every white person for their voice or action. It seemed very unbalanced and rather well degrading.

Value Judging

Wow. I just watched the documentary or film or what genre it fits Religulous, and I didn't like it. Most people know religion is dangerous in the wrong hands. I wanted to cry when he made the Islamists into all violent terrorist. I thought of Naomi Shihab Nye and her cries for peace. Of a previous Muslim student who made her choices in clothing as she felt and who helped an Israeli throwing daggers to talking and laughing about common ground. My guy thinks it is all about doubt and questioning. I felt like it was value judging and degrading. And I don't attend church. When a very good friend told me she prayed for me I thanked her in honesty. She loves me enough to embrace me in her faith that is one of the pillars of her heart. She doesn't ask me to convert or to pray with her, of course I can't talk to her about sex either. There are boundaries on both sides. I respect her. I respect tolerance. Gosh that movie stirred me up it honestly was arrogant and in some respects hateful. The movie doesn't mention the word extremist or maybe he is saying all religious people are extremists, that is the impression it left on me yes hatefull, filled with hate. Sorry A, but this one is one you can watch on your own as it is 2 thumbs down with me.

hmm

Worried tonight. Haven't heard from A all day. Not email or phone. He always checks in and he leads such a stressful life I hope he is ok.

Our weekend was kind of magical.

Saturday morning was rough, we had to talk about Friday, when I felt stood up by him. Not sure he gets it as such no guarantee it won't happen again. Walk that bridge if we come to it. Watched Julie and Julia and yes he is the butter to my bread.

We ended up at Lincoln Park and had a great talk. I mean I just love how we can talk movies (or film if you prefer), politics, life stuff, then had incredible Vietnamese sandwiches. I mean fresh cucumber on these ones..yummy. Went back to his place watched an interesting movie, woke up Sunday. He seemed a bit out of sorts came back from coffee and made me breakfast. And it was yummy. After the eggs we talked a lot about some of the stress he is under cleared some things up. I helped where I could. Then I went to the garden he did some things around the house. I crafted tomato and basil sandwiches on red pepper bagels and mmmm they were exquisite. Went to Greenlake I started a new book (tired from gardening) while he walked and sipped a caramel frappacino. Ah a good book and caramel...mmmm life is good. Then we came home and watched Forgetting Sara Marshall, and yes it was predictable and saccharin and I utterly loved it. Took a little romance break and segwayed into a ballroom dancing DVD and practiced the waltz. I haven't laughed so hard in ages. It was the perfect cap to the evening.

I love this man. He doesn't want me to because of all the stuff in his life, but it is too late I am hooked.

Went back to work, it is hard to work after a magical night. So yes it was very rocky today at work.

Came home listened to Matthew Sweet and David Wilcox and read. And now I am hoping my man has at least sent an email. I took out the garbage a little bit ago and apparently tonight I am the only one in this highly affluent neighborhood who has trash refuge garbage. Maybe that is why the neighbor in the ultra big house across the street gives me dirty looks (yup she actually asked A to move the car when he was parking in front of her house some lame story about a delivery, yeah, right.) Oh well at least I take my crap out!

Flames

Tears keep dropping from my eyes. It is hard to have a relationship when one party doesn't stop to consider the other on a weekend night. Sounds familiar. So I am home alone thinking I was supposed to be giving him a Reike treatment tonight and he is having dinner with friends. Apparently I couldn't join them. I told him I felt stood up tonight. I had initially told him it was fine. He asked me why I told him it was fine. And I guess it was because I had to justify it to myself. I had to make it ok. Had to make it ok that he would rather be with friends than me on a Friday night.

I need flames
I crave fire
molten heat
form
fold
crush me
to cinder

Just went for a walk. I turned off the TV and went for a walk. It was small, but still I went for a walk. There was a boy with a shirt It's how bad you want it. If only I wanted it that bad again. Do we only get a limited supply of wants and dreams. I feel like mine have been snatched away, and am all dried up. But at least I went for a walk tonight.

The tomatoes are turning and the basil plant is full. A pepper singed my tongue. I need fresh mozzerella. Cucumbers, cream cheese and your bread of choice. For fancy ones use a cookie cutter. I love this season.

Reflection

The last time I was at Rainier was in the 90s and I weighed 130 pounds less. The mountain was beautiful. Even on 3 hours sleep. But I wish I had been at least well rested. The reality check from the mountain was good fitness wise. My friends and my boyfriend are concerned with my health. I wish I could be. Maybe if I think about watching my mom die. How frightening, how incredibly scary. And how sad, I remember watching my sister feed her scrambled eggs. The ultimate role reversal. Now I am just sad. Thinking about her death just makes me sad. I need a motivator. The surgery was one. But I don't need to have anything else go wrong that way, I am just almost done paying that bill off. So once I pay that off, next month and then pay off a small remaining balance on a credit card I can get the trainer I like again. So about 2 months. I have to try and step up the workouts myself though too. It won't help having a trainer if I am not doing anything myself.

I guess I used to feel embarrassed about my size. And sometimes I still do. Sometimes it is just easier to give up though. And life has been hard....

Enough of this sudo pity party, off to the garden.

(on that note the onion, broccoli, and squash from the garden were great on the campout. I can't wait to make them here :)

Rainier

Off to Rainier I wonder how far I will be able to haul my fat ass.

When no one can be there for me I have chips and caramels. No wonder why I feel ugly. All I seem to do is eat away my sadness.

My mom died in July of 1999 and 3 months later my brother was murdered in September. My dad passed in August 2005. I feel gross/bloated/beyond ugly and am in-between deathversaries..yay....

Rain Rain

Rain Mist
Oxygen Nutrition
Soak Embed
Breath

Better

So Aaron and I spent Saturday together and it was good. He was extremely preoccupied today so we parted ways early. He is getting better at not calling me his previous pet name for me that his mentally ill ex girlfriend who is just a friend has latched on to and signs her inappropriately written cards with so that is good. He is not wearing the wedding band anymore and that is good. It would have been nice to see him today and spend time with him, but I should see him tomorrow. He lost his debitg card and it takes 2 weeks to get a new one and used his last cash to buy us lunch so I floated him some money until tomorrow. I have to buy gas tomorrow s that will be good to get the money back, but I don't mind loaning it to him. He paid me back for some work boots I bought him when he didn't have the money so it is all good.

Simple

Garden fresh tomatoes, garden fresh basil, quality mozarella, olive oil, and sea salt, sunshine and a patio/lawn.

Kleenex

A friend just mentioned a head cold. Yup I gave up on my little trash cans and now have a tall kitchen garbage bag almost full with kleenex and today toilet paper. It is draped off of one of my kitchen chairs and I must say my place looks very ghetto. For some reason I have the blues, I am pms-ing and broke, I am only getting back into my walking as it is something that really helps keep me balanced. I have a boyfriend who is finally understanding that it is important not to call me the pet name of his just friend, and my house is a mess. I must at least clean my house. And yes I think my sinus infection is past enough to call the almost full bag full to tie up its blue ends and take out to the garbage. And in 40 minutes I am walking Greenlake with A. Yikes, I better get my butt moving.

Rants vs. Whines

It has been an interesting week. The poets from my writing group and second group that R used to facilitate, well I don't think they had much interaction with poets outside of R. So when the group was suddenly ended some were very upset. It pales in comparison with artist behavior I endured. So sad the approach and whisperings and I hope that we all can pick up the pieces and find grace. The previous groups have merged. I harbor no ill will toward R or the other groupees and still work on my work.

Went to the Storm game Tuesday night, they lost in overtime. It was quite sad.

I just talked to Aaron, he and I talked about why he was wearing a "friendship ring" that his ex gave him and he said it was so people would know he was in a relationship with me. Ok. now the thing is that the ring that his ex told him all friends do for each other is a wedding band. Soooo yeah. It really hurt to see him wearing it without the explanation so I told him it would make more sense for me to buy a ring for him than for him to wear one from his ex. I am guessing he probabaly thinks as most men would that it makes more sense to just use the ring rather than buy a new one, but nope. not ok. I found out she claimed the pet name he calls me so now I have to have a new one, that she writes inappropriate "friend" cards for him and now the ring. Nope. I know just the ring I want for him, and can't wait to buy it for him!

And if you are wondering - the Entertainment Book is the way to go. I paid a total of $28 for 4 tickets to the game and A and I had $28. seats the first game and tonight have $55. seats all for $28. bucks not to mention the awesome two for one deals, the Bengal Tiger mmmmm my favorite and so many others. I just get blown away thinking about how much money I have saved from this $20 book. Next year now that I have my favorites I have to remember to hound the people for their Bengal Tiger coupons, and Louisa's and Rickshaw - looks like a dive but excellent Chinese food, and hoping will have more money next summer to take advantage of some of the activities other than museums. But yes even two for ones for the SAM, BAM and TAM - all used already of course! Oh and my favorite the MOHAI.

A storm for the Storm

How exciting rain and cool air have finally returned to Seattle. Just in time for the Storm game tonight. And yes we have excellent seats. Thanks Kyle! It was so heartbreaking at the last game. The women literally lost in the last seconds to the Shock - Detroit, my old home state. Boy did they make Detroit work and with a couple of our main players out it was exciting. I think we play Phoenix tonight. Rain come and soak into every neuron of my cell. I can't wait until after work to go stand in the rain...just call me a turkey as I point my head to the sky!

Weeds

Will the weeds ever stop growing. I have to remember to tell Aaron not to water the compost. I think that is helping the weeds spread rather than dry out. Anyway I have 2 small mystery squashes growing. Then a couple of winter squash -acorn I believe and a zuchinni plant just getting leafy. My cucumbers are speading their leave all over, and one cabbage looks almost done and the others that battled cabbage fleas (who knew) are finally looking cabbagey. The romas are elongating the cherry's cherrying and beefsteak my mind meld didn't work are still green. The salad or I mean lettuce is growing growing growing. Same for the onions. I have a great onion recipe, unfortunately Aaron doesn't like onions, if it was garlic it would be a dealbreaker, but I just eat his share of onions. So now after weeding today and again and again and again I am stuck waiting. I am not good at waiting. Ask Aaron about my driving. We had a serious talk and I have to slow down my driving to make him feel better that I will be safer. But slower doesn't mean safer. Lake front property doesn't mean someone won't knock on your door and shoot you. Ask my brother Tony. Oh that's right you can't he was murdered in the lake front property community. but I digress.....I will drive slower. I have been driving slower. It is a very conscious effort. It doesn't mean I am miraculously patient, I just keep telling myself outloud I told him I would drive slower...and I may be a lot of things, but I work very hard to maintain my honesty. ...not counting my poetry/plays/short pieces because I can lie all the fuck I want in those!!!

Noon

It is already noon. I woke up at 3am, stuffed up, my sinuses not cooperating with this hot weather so take my book Easy on the Eyes by Jane Porter and read. I go back to bed about 5am and then wake up at 9/9:30am and grab the book. I love the books this woman writes. Pure fiction but speaking as if I were righting the words about what I want from love and live. Just like all other women I want it all. Ok I don't match the beautiful characters in her stories, not physically anyway, but that is what I like she only makes that a part of the package. And in the end it is a small part of the tenacity, loss, hope, and love that fills their life. Is it wrong to want it all? When does one decide it is good? Not good enough, but good. Maybe I watch to much tv and read to much fiction, but what can I say I live in blue sky and mountains and yes even love the rainy season, have a man with a beautiful soul, and yes hope I can find the strength I need to tackle my physical challenges, all in all life is ok/good. Still wanting more. I guess when I stop my breath stops too.

Hot chocolate won last night. Exhausting yet fun morning. Must sleep and if I can read now.

Bustling away. Off to my favorite coffeehouse to catch up with Joani. We were going to catch up at the Summer Fun Run, but it didn't quite happen. My team and her team never crossed paths, and it was only 3 miles so not like there was any lag time. It is kind of nice having the boyfriend out of town, not that I don't love our nighttimes, ummm yes what was How Naught Are You Score? ...Very Naughty, but it is nice to have girlfriend time too. So tonight Bustle with Joani, then tomorrow the Magnolia Seafair Parade with Margie and her son. I have not experienced this before, and sense it will be somewhat hometownish-Clarkston parade style. Should be nostalgic. Hope to get a work out in. Yes, I think it was good to stay home today as I don't sleep so much when I am healthy, but think the body was recovering from the sinus infection. Well am thoroughly excited about Bustle - I love this place it just has such a good energy to it. All you Reike people out there will know what I mean. You got to check it out. If you need to fly out to Seattle and go to 5th and McGraw (across from Ken's Market in case I have the street wrong). Oh well, must get my shoes on and contemplate french wine or a mocha...either one horrible for my sugar level, but you know one of them will be chosen, which will it be?

Oh to Breath

This quick weather change gave me a sinus infection. Just a small one. Not like the year I had a sinus infection 10 months of the year. That was no fun. Especially when they got bad enough for me to lose my voice. So stayed home yesterday. Aaron and I had gone to Golden Gardens Wed night so I could totally feel it coming on. Then he stayed over and gave me water on Thursday. Lots and lots of water. Tired of the 4 walls we went and saw the latest Harry Potter movie and it was good. Quite possibly my favorite of them so far. And I didn't sneeze and blow too much in the movie, must have been the cool air. Switched over to Benadryl and my fever broke last night. Still stuffed up and afraid of sinus infections past so staying home and benadryling again today. Which basically means sleeping, because that stuff knocks me out. I even bought an irragator that is what I started using after the 10 that one year. I used for about 5 years in a row, and quit when I moved here. Guess I need to start again. The bad thing was is that somehow I have no Arm and Hammer in my cupboard to mix with the salt so can't irrigate. Ugh. I will have to go buy some today.

Feeling like I want to start working out again. My stomach is feeling heavy/weighty. Gross. Definately need to hit the gym or the streets again. Or both. Probably best to have a combination. Hopefully depending on my breathing and the benedryl sleeping can start today. At least the gym is air conditioned.

oh breath
how I love thee
thoust make me live

and speaketh and cryeth
oh breath
give me life

clear mine sinus cavities
and I whilst inhale deeply
breath cometh backeth to me

Oh sprinkler of life drizzle mist and moisten my world.

Hot Mama

What a wonderful weekend. Stuffed with tamales on Friday. A little hustle at the Bustle Friday night and Saturday morning. Swim swim swim at Luther Burbank ewww seaweed...wonder when my gills will come in. Greenlake bake Frappucinno chill. Waiting for my mister sitting on my keister, walk walk walk until the ovarian dis ease goes bye bye for good. Alias Smith and Jones greets me at the door, leftover pizza, tides me over the grass we crushed at Magnolia Park. Saluted General Tso at Rickshaw in an unexpected dining delight, fortunes spark interest in bed, Greenlake Chocolate chill groceries then this, now bed!!!

Boozy Punch

I hope Bustle has a grand grand opening, I am still recovering from Boozy Punch, as coined by Shannon. It was a very fun night.

Boozy Punch aka Sangria

Necessities: A big pitcher, large wine glasses

1 lime
1 lemon
1 orange
1 cup strawberries or raspberries or a mix
1 small can of pineapple
2T sugar
2 shots triple sec
1 bottle red wine
splash of oj
4 cups ginger ale

Slice or wedge citrus fruit and put in pitcher, add pineapple, sugar, wine triple sec and orange
Chill overnight
Before serving add berries and ginger ale

Drink, and laugh.

Serve often

Legend

waves crash
we sit in our respective seats
and watch the sky
turn from blue to rose
until it matches the sea
opposite the whitecaps

leaving before the water
reaches our tires
we miss the turn
and backtrack cautious
of the elk crossing
and dear leaping signage

we find our way
to our one room with two beds
one big one and one little one
grab the extra pillow
and hunker in losing
each other in each other

Marta Sanchez

senseless

The murder in Southpark, the molested seven year old... I need to go read 3 cups of tea

Sad

Been rather sad this summer. I just don't seem to have the energy I normally have in the summertime. Actually since the surgery. But I press on. Having a couple friends over for some "Sanchez tamales" courtesy of my brother, but unfortunately A and Jenn's D can't make it. Bummer. It is the little things like that bumming me out. Oh well am still looking forward to Shannon and Jenn's company.

Bustle

Grand opening this Friday the 23rd, free wine, cheese, and "artisan" meats.

I wonder if they will be bold and serve sangria?

Take me back

I want to know all the relatively clean local lakes to swim in. I want to go on a waterfall expedition, and am torn over whether to mark them or leave them unmarked. I want to go back to the barn and hear more music. I want to lay in my man's arms and let each other know that no matter what we have each other and it is all right. I want to dine at the Fountain Cafe until I have tried everything and am sick of the gingerbread (which I have yet to try). I want to eat Dove bars until I sprout white feathers. I want to get in tickle fights and laugh until the neighbors complain from the noise. I want to listen to the waves crash against the rocks as the sun sets. I want to go back on vacation again and again and again.

mmmm

We went to a Storm game tonight. What an amazing game. We lost by 3 points in the last minute and a half. It was sad. One of our key players got hurt, and our 2nd string so to speak caught us up and had us ahead. Then of course I interacted with the cutest mascot, Doppler. And all night long I had my Aaron to myself. It was wonderful.

Tomorrow I go to look for a cheap bathing suit. I can't find a box that had my bathing suits, shorts and two really cute summer tops. I think perhaps it fell off the moving truck in September. Oh well. Sad.

Anyway, I hope I find something reasonably priced they can be so expensive. Oh well, if I knew there were not going to be people around we would go skinny dipping, but I don't want to flash anyone.

Ok, going to go to sleep and dream on being all alone with my man for 3 whole days.

It's Total Surrender

"It's total surrender." "Grab the book nearest to you. Right now. Turn to page 56. Find the 5th sentence. Post the sentence as your Facebook status/on your web/on your business card, etc. etc. etc.

Finally

It is almost here. One more day of work. Then I have Thursday off. And Friday. And Saturday. And Sunday. And Monday. I am trying really hard not to think about Tuesday yet.

Mozart here we come. Quilcene here we come. A cute little non-luxury motel room where I get to have my A all to myself, here we come (interpret as you will).

I wish there was a snowstorm (ok and it was winter) and Aaron and I were trapped in my house and all we could do was snuggle.

You know I completely figured out that this personal coach through my union and webMD really fucked up my mindset. Here I was doing better on my walks and eating and this woman basically tells me or at least what I heard was I was not doing enough. This really fucked up my mindset and helps me understand why my walking took a dive. No fat person wants to hear what they are supposed to be doing to lose weight. I mean unless it is a fat person who lives in a mountaintop cave and chances are that person isn't going to care! I definately need to schedule an appt. with my doctor as my hands are tingly and I guess that is a diabetic thing. My sugar levels are still good, but I don't completely understand this disease so better to be safe than sorry. I would hate to have to go on medication as I have managed my sugar well without it, but I don't like the tingly hand thing. Maybe it is carpal tunnel? I don't know enough about that to know.

Back to reading, I am getting closer to how the sisters die and what happens afterwards. Julia Alvarez can definately tell a story. Just like my brother Tony. Man he could tell a story with the best of them. I miss him. Unfortunately the boys still won't tell about building and igloo and having it collapse on one of them and the other grabbing a shovel ready to dig out the other brother. Still too sad for them. But God how we would laugh at those stories. Tony, I love you brother. I miss you too.

Yakisoba

I don't know why, but I want to put this recipe on my blog. I found it on some website where someone was looking for an authentic Yakisoba recipe. And it is fantastic. I assume it can be made vegetarian as I tend to use a full small cabbage (instead of a half of a cabbage), zucchini, and broccoli in addition to the rest of the stuff.

Yakisoba
1 /2 tsp. sesame oil
1T.peanut oil
2 T. chile paste
3 cloves garlic
4 boneless skinless chicken breasts/thighs
½ c. reduced sodium soy sauce
1 onion sliced lengthwise
½ medium cabbage, coarsely chopped
2 carrots coarsely chopped
8 ounces soba noodles, cooked and drained

Large skillet.
Combine oils and paste, stir fry 30 seconds add the garlic and stir fry 30 more seconds.
Add the chicken and ¼ of the soy sauce. Stir fry until the chicken is cooked through.
Remove from pan and set aside.

Empty the pan. Combine onion cabbage and carrots until the cabbage begins to wilt.
Add remaining soy sauce, cooked noodles and chicken. Mix.

I hope you enjoy, this weather seems to warrant it. It tends to make a lot so I did not make as am going out of town this weekend. Oh and yes it is better the 2nd day mmm yummy all that flavor marinating.

Must see

The Hunting Party on DVD
Wow! Ok it isn't a documentary, and was a tiny bit slow, but boy do they nail it. When 3 reporters (4 in reality) find a war criminal in 3 days that the U.S. supposedly had been looking for supposedly being the key word for months. It is amazing especially the end clips where they show want ads in the Bosnia/Serbia papers with a toll free number that only worked in the states. What a joke. A bad joke. And a sad statement on our powers that be.

The right foot was so much dirtier than the left. It must have had so much more fun than the left!

Delicious

Aaron is in P.A. this weekend helping out his mom. I took Friday off and really just have had a leisurely couple of days cleaning, doing laundry, reading and yes watching TV. What can I say I am a TV baby, it is comforting and mindless. Today was wonderful I cleaned and watched TV way too early in the morning to actually be watching TV. Moved from the TV to listening to Ella Fitzgerald and Louie Armstrong and emailing my niece. Then walked up to the community center and had a free lunch as it is their little BBQ/fun run/sidewalk sale kind of day. I ran into a few people there had some wonderful conversations. Then I hit the sales, I found a Christmas present for $3. another cuz I know you would like this gift for cheap and a marvelous bag for $19.00.

Shopping til I dropped (or had to go to the bathroom) I walked home piddled around with laundry and what not made a marvy sandwich and had leftover salad (yes mostly stuff from the garden) then went and weeded. I also moved my basil and replanted my winter squash. One pack of seeds I tried planting twice and nothing so hopefully this other type will come up.

Watched a bit more TV and now am ready to go back to In The Time of Butterflies by Julia Alvarez. It is quite good and when I think about it am drawn in. But yes I washed my sheets and after wearing my garden clogs in the garden, um, my feet need a bath before they enter my sheets. They remind me of being a little kid and my mom coming in when my sister and I took a bath and she made us show her our feet. We were banshees growing up. Running around all barefoot all day. How marvelous. On that thought I will go clean my feet and then read!!!

Good Night Aaron, I miss you boyfriend. I love you! (next time remember your charger : )

The Orangest of the Orange

Ellyn Maybe http://www.poetry.la/
listen to Ellyn Maybe

Rebecca Loudon
read Cadaver Dogs

Naomi Shihab Nye
read Fuel

Naomi Wolf
Watch End of America

Sustainability
See at the Benham Gallery before the show ends 7/11

Deception Pass
Sit on a worn log and kiss until your lips fall off

Dead Squirrel

I guess it was to much for the squirrel. On the last step up from the stairs of Lee (350steps) there was a dead squirrel. For those that don't know I have a phobia of dead animals. So yes this truly freaked me out. And he was laid out as if instead of someone putting out a banana peel for someone to slip on they put a squirrel. On the way back from my walk the squirrel had been moved up to the platform level. So instead of being freaked out once today I was freaked out twice. Lovely.

There were also a lot of couples with strollers and kids in those backpacky things that you wear with the child up front. And I wish that couples would have to complete say a 2 year version of the high school class where you take care of a sack of flour or doll or egg as if it were a child. I think the couples should have to exchange a doll every four months and be reviewed after the first 8 months. And if they don't pass, well they can resubmit their application in a year or hey lets try out an older version and see if you are better suited for adoption. Ok. I don't believe in the gov't interfering in the level it does, but am tired of seeing little ones hurt or what happens to adults when everything isn't minorly functional. I think that is how I am going to describe my childhood from now on minorly functional instead of a little dsyfunctional. Ok I could go on about my childhood..but really yawn...I would rather go throw down some more cucumber seeds (for more than 2 plants, and some more zuchinni and winter squash seeds, because they didn't take yet.

Farrah, you are not overshadowed

Yes the news is filled with Michael's death. His eccentries and more than likely his child rape. It seems that genius comes at a cost. For the couple I know sometimes it is more obvious other times it explodes, Charles Dickens, Bing Crosby and yes Michael Jackson.

Now on to Farah Fawcett.
Yes I played Charlie's Angels as a little girl. More like we mimic'd them. Granted today it would be a very sexist part, but for the 70s it least it showed women in control. The major cafeteria talk as to whether Farah would get her raise or leave the show taught little girls just cuz I'm a woman doesn't mean you can get away with paying me less than my worth.

Stars aside:

I pray for Iran and those also lost that we will not hear about today. Or ever. I pray that Korea finds peace as an answer. Please join the prayer chain. (and trust me it doesn't have to prayers, meditation, sending energy, positive thoughts, it is all helpful)

Michael Jackson is dead

No more Thriller or Ben or ABC

I grew up with the Jackson 5 and shook my itty bitty hips all over the place and bopped and danced and sang away.

Sad, so sad.

No Words

No word from my guy yet. I am truly worried. Would be even better if he phoned as I am so audio. People don't realize this, because working in a high school, honestly my ears are exhausted from the noise. I don't think people even realize how noisy computers are, throw in a phone ringing, students clamoring everywhichway and several others calling your name in need. I like the quiet when I get home. But summer, my CD collection (yup no Ipod or other gadget) and put on Nat King Cole or Ella Fitzgerald or a soundtrack or Choklate or the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I love banging my head and swinging my hair. I love voices. I love laughter. And yes even here at work I actually miss the kiddies laughter as I work in the office over summer and it can get quite lonely. So far keeping busy, probably so until mid July then I will need wake up call periodically : )

Relationships

Relationships are hard. Where is Disney or Tinkerbell when you need her? Aaron is struggling really struggling and he doesn't want me in on it as being a whistle blower he has had his share of death threats, stalkings, and mind fucks. So yes he is protecting me and at the same time just doesn't want to rehash it one more time. In other words he gets fucked and then needs time alone, and that sucks. He has friends he wants to spend time with, and I want him to spend time with them, but then shit comes down on our time and I get left alone. Rebecca had it best with (yes I am bloglifting)

Spinning: Nirvana....

I'm so lonely. And that's ok.
I shaved my head. And I'm not sad, and just maybe
I'm to blame for all I've heard. And I'm not sure.
I'm so excited. I can't wait to meet you there.
And I don't care. I'm so horny. But that's ok. My will is good.


I like like it. I'm not gonna crack.
I miss you. I'm not gonna crack.
I love you. I'm not gonna crack.
I killed you. I'm not gonna crack.

Going to get a sub sandwich. Bad diabetic, forgets to eat when I get upset. I just want Tink to wave her wand and make it all better. Aaron I love you.

Must see

Ok, only if you enjoy laughing, crying, and tender moments. Yup. Up is the way to go. I have been meaning to mention this movie. No Johnny Depp (Public Enemy release 7/1), but dang if this movie just didn't get to my core.

Giving back

My p-patch donated just from the gardeners over a large bin, plus some huge community food plots to the Chinese Baptist Church. This organization titled The Lord's Table fees over 300 people a week and serves meals prepared daily to those in need. I am not a religious person, but I am all for helping those in need and am thrilled that my co-gardeners are giving back. We have never this early in the season had it together enough to contribute outside of the community plots so am feeling good about that.

High School

I found out a friend from high school died. Craig Kulazewciz. I don't know any of the details and don't know if other than curiosity that the details are important. The details that matter are that he had a wife and two small twins. He was one of those cool kinds. One of the popular athletic kind. But he was alway kind and had a brilliant smile. He was a good friend to his fellow guys. He was smart, although I think he had to work at it and very charismatic. Thinking about it it was only the cool girls that were really unapproachable, but the cool guys in my high school were always kind. I think he was in a pick up truck when in a freak accident another high school student who was riding on the hood of the vehicle had the antenna somehow end up his nose piercing his brain. That was hard on the boys. It was really hard on my friend Dave. Very sad. Sending love, prayers, strength and peaceful energy to his wife and little ones. Good night Craig. I hope where you are is better than where you were. And from what I understand it was pretty nice so it must be someplace incredible, and obviously out of this world. Fond memories of you my old friend.

Up!

There is supposed to be a great happening at the Benham Art Gallery tonight, but it is the last day of school so not sure I will make it. Maybe. I enjoy visual art/photography I believe is what this gallery is known for so could be interesting. It is the opening tonight. There should be yummy food and some poets/writers whose company I actual enjoy so maybe... I kind of just want to go home and clean and walk and sleep. Boring yes, but that is what the hectic end of the school year does to me. Anyway I think Aaron and I are going tomorrow afternoon to the exhibit after kidnapping his StepDad and take him to see the movie UP. Which yes I cannot wait to see this movie myself. Has anyone out there seen the movie yet?

Re-Elect Nick Licata

The competition is fierce for Nick this year. One competitor raises about $200 to Nick's $100 and the other competitor raises $300 to his $100.

Please don't let us lose our prgressive voice on City Council.

Vote for Nick Licata!

Notable Licata achievements (snatched from an AKA email)

Parks, Libraries, and the Arts

2006-2009:

Secured funding to open City libraries on Sundays
Secured additional funding for the Seattle Public Library’s
collections budget, providing among other things, additional computers
allowing more patrons to apply for jobs
Supported 2008 parks levy, to maintain the quality of life in
Seattle’s neighborhoods as growth occurs
Supported Pike Place Market Levy, to maintain the long-term quality
and health of the Market
Worked to amend the timeline for state-mandated fire code regulations
on nightclubs that threatened their economic viability, helping to
create a more business-friendly policy that preserves public safety
goals
Co-sponsored legislation setting terms for Seattle Storm contract, and
voted for 10-year lease at KeyArena for Seattle Storm that is a good
deal for both the public and the team
Raised questions about proposed $300 million public contribution to
KeyArena renovations
Submitted proposal for Seattle Center, Arts, Arts Education and Tourism Funding
Convened Cultural Overlay District Advisory Committee (CODAC) to
provide recommendations this year to Council on developing, preserving
and promoting arts and culture resources, including low-income
live/work space for artists.
Met with state legislators to encourage passage of legislation
allowing jurisdictions to place on their ballots funding proposals for
arts and heritage programs, regional centers, human services,
low-income housing, and community development.
Met with state legislators to encourage reinstatement of long-term
funding for King County heritage and arts programs.
Met with state legislators to encourage returning to education
purposes (arts education) lottery revenues currently funding baseball
stadiums that will expire in 2012
Tripled funding for computer lab education and equipment in the South
Park and Rainier community centers
Helped secure temporary use of unused City Light building by Stranger
Genius Award winner/City Arts Office grantee artist Ryan Mitchell &
Seattle’s award-winning Pat Graney Company for public performances
Worked with nightlife industry to ensure fair treatment in City regulations
Helped resolve SDOT / Fremont Arts Council dispute over Fremont
traffic calming feature that threatened interference with access to
the Fremont Troll
Sponsored a $50k appropriation for 911 Media Arts Center and a $50k
appropriation for the Central District Forum for Art and Ideas in
support of their expanded programming
Founded and sponsored legislation recognizing Seattle’s Live Theatre
Week produced by Theatre of Puget Sound in tandem with national Free
Night of Theatre sponsored by Theatre Communications Group, Inc.
Launched the Seattle Composer web site, where the public can listen
to, download, and purchase original music by local composers
This year marks over 180 poetry readings since I initiated the
Council’s Words’ Worth Poetry Program in 1998

Previously:

Co-sponsored Youth and Music task force that led to the recommendation
to create the Vera Project; supported City funding to bring it to
fruition
Co-sponsored repeal of the Teen Dance Ordinance, and replaced it with
a more youth-friendly ordinance
Voted to restore funding for the Seattle Public Library bookmobile
Supported funding for the Vera Project at its inception, and to assist
the move to the Seattle Center
Sponsored legislation authorizing a Citizen Implementation Review
Panel to enhance public financial reporting and act as a sounding
board for the community in the implementation of the Libraries for All
bond passed by Seattle voters
Founded in 1999 the Seattle Poet Populist program and partnered with
the Seattle Public Library and Bumbershoot to sponsor its citywide
election from which the winner serves an annual term as Seattle’s poet
Dedicated City Hall’s visual arts gallery after Anne Focke, who
started Bumbershoot & pioneered Seattle’s Arts Office and Percent For
Art program
Sponsored legislation dedicating 20% admission tax revenue to the Arts
Office for funding local artists and arts organizations
Revised Mayor’s proposed Arts Office re-organization so Council can
appointment half of that office’s advisory body, the citizen volunteer
Arts Commission, and preventing the City’s film office & tourism
functions from being folding into the Arts Office
Amended Seattle’s film incentives legislation to include a discounted
permit fee for low-impact / low-budget productions
Sponsored the Seattle Interactive Entertainment Center Workshop,
resulting in DigiPen and the Human Interface Technology Laboratory at
the University of Washington proposing an Experience Engineering Lab
to be sited at the Seattle Center
Sponsored two Seattle Neighborhood Arts Conferences to promote
neighborhood arts city-wide
Advocated as member of the Sand Point Blue Ribbon Committee for arts
facilities development (SPACE in building 18) at Magnuson Park
Convened the Nightlife and Neighborhoods brown-bag
Convened a developers’ workshop on the Department of Planning and
Development’s Live/Work legislation
Convened the Space for Artists Forum for artists, designers,
developers, and policy makers on creating affordable live/work space
for artists in Seattle
Sponsored the publishing of the handbook Space for Artists 2002 in
partnership with the Department of Planning and Development
Restored $25,000 for ArtWorks, a non-profit arts organization
employing juvenile offenders to beautify neighborhoods & reduce
graffiti
Restored cuts in technical support for 18 community arts councils
Restored Arts Office funding for Seattle’s small-to-medium sized arts groups
Sponsored an amendment that gives neighbors formal involvement in
Woodland Park Zoo's transportation plan
Helped resolve dispute over SPU / U. District community over removal
of a Campus Parkway wall mural commissioned by the Department of
Neighborhoods
Voted down a proposal for paid parking at city parks
Provided for off-leash dog areas and athletic fields at Magnuson/Sand
Point while maintaining habitat conservation
Secured capital funding for ArtsWest theatre in West Seattle
Voted to divide McCaw Hall's debt payments in 2005 and 2006 between
its tenants and the City