Pause

I took a long pause away from the blog. Then I spent the past week immobile with a muscle strain that had me wheeled into my doctor's office last Monday. I had to stay off my feet for most of the week. I had recently started walking again, and signed a team up for the Swedish Summer 5K that benefits the research of ovarian cancer. Today I cancelled the team. For whatever reason my HP was to pass. And I am finally ok with that. I go back to the doctor tomorrow. I am finally feeling in a good place. At last check I had lost some weight. I heard from a genuine kind man who is actually intelligent with creative hobbies outside of his career. And that is merely an impression from a 15 minute conversation from one meeting last summer. He FB messaged me apologizing for not replying to a show invite (I invited lots of folks) as he had not been on FB for over 6 months. We proceeded to message and fingers crossed he will be at my summer fun healthy bbq :) Bonus if he brings his guitar. And in the meantime my incredible friends brought me over a wheelie office chair so I could actually get to the bathroom last week, went grocery shopping for me, and just called and checked on me. What great family they are, yes my logical family. I talked briefly with my new boss today, she reminds me of the ocean, calm but with tremendous power. I like that. We'll see. I am focused on taking care of myself and am keeping that commitment to myself. No job is worth what I let it do to me previously. No man is worth it either. There are good men out there, intelligent, kind, healthy men and there is no reason in the world for me to not have one of those men in my life, instead of the posers in the past. I realize now I am not a poser, I am intelligent, kind, creative, and entitled to love, laughter, happiness and joy. Thank you HP, program, and all my friends and partners in recovery.