Tired

I am tired of being fat. I gained back so much weight after my surgery, and for the first time in several years caved into the holiday eating and feel grotesque. Aaron and I were watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and there was a demon in a round tub, that was basically layers and layers of fat and I thought that is me. I feel gross and plan to clean out the refrigerator tomorrow or actually today. I woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep so have been playing a video game that had me alone with my thoughts. I guess I have been avoiding pitching certain foods, as I know Aaron doesn't like to throw away food. And I get that. But there is no starving homeless person in my kitchen to eat the leftover pumpkin cheesecake so guess who does, the woman who doesn't want it and is depressed over her weight and ready to crawl into bed with a plate of whatever with a sheet over her head, yup me. Today is a good day to pitch the food that isn't being eaten and isn't healthy for me. Also I read of course too late even though I had it before the holidays - my Shape magazine that is that sugar in excess of our daily allowance of 6teaspoons(who knew) weakens cell walls and hence increases blood pressure. So outside of it not being good for a diabetic, it also is helping me stay on my hydrochlorathyazide. And chancea are I spelled that wrong - high blood pressure medicine. I definately need to make some chances and am looking forward to the results.