Love this little guy!

Beautiful day Beautiful day Fire burn it all away burn it all away!

Wow! I have the best landlady. I left her a message about leaving my job and she called back leaving me a message that was full of care and concern. It what is an incredible day today. It started with lunch at Macarena with Joyce who treated me.What a great surprise an incredible conversation. I am so blessed with supportive funny intelligent friends. Not sure how I got so lucky to have such amazing people in my life. Thank you Higher Power. Please continue to bless me and guide me in my recovery.

Time icing my joints equals boredom. Bored. Bored. Bored.

My Higher Power and I are making life happen not letting life happen to us. Thank you HP!

Moving Forward

Wow. Life has been moving quickly and I am trusting my Higher Power to take care of me. The person who bullied me at work is coming back in will be in the same position and that means I am moving on voluntarily. I am sad it came to this but it just moved up the time line of my leaving. I feel strong and grateful and good about my decision. My only concern is the health insurance is so expensive come on Obama care. Last night was amazing. I had a healthy barbecue with music and spoken word and violinists a 10 year old violinist who was brilliant. There was a beautiful singer who also played guitar making her Seattle debut. Raul reading his poetry and yes I even read some poetry. The food was amazing. And yet healthy. Quinoa salad and this tomatoes squash soup and some incredible fruit salad it was it was all delicious.Imet a friend's husband and his eyes just seem so kind and open and accepting and is a reminder of the good men that are out there and that I deserve one of those. Maybe when I'm ready I don't think I'm ready yet but that I deserve a good man not what I had in the past. I think everyone had a good time and it was a fantastic mix of people from bicyclists, artists, gardener's, knitters, and all of them are just people that fill my heart and bring smiles to my face when I see them. I am so grateful for everything my Higher Power has given me and I'm trusting that as I move forward I am making the right decision. I will not think in lack. I will not get trapped in other people's fears. I will not be limited by others. When I let fear and other people's fears control me then I and not honoring my higher power. And life is too short to let that happen.

My allergies are frightening me. They haven't been this bad in years can't stop sneezing. And my eyes are watering.I've gone through 3 boxes of kleenex in 3 days. Ugh.

Threw out all the junk food. Great mtg tonight.So grateful. I have to use the tools.if I truly want recovery I have to detach and turn it all over. I have to humbly ask my HP to let me live and honor the vessel he gave me all of it. My mind needs challenges and beauty. My heart and soul need love peace and passion. My body needs strength affection and nourishment. Program first. Noone like that man from my past deserves my time. If he calls back I will tell him honestly that I do not care to communicate with him and not to call me. I deserve the other type that contacted me and may come and play guitar at the bbq. But he needs to let me know too that he is interested.I am worthy of that

Someone called me and asked me to be a sponsor. How cool is that. I don't think I have what she wants in one so no worries, nice to be asked. Another person called a man from my past. He started out kind and humorous, but ended being only able to talk about my weight being a problem. He also was unemployed and looked a gift horse in the mouth. Enough of unemployed or part-time men that can't take care of themselves - YUCK! He called me at work, and wanted to engage me in conversation saying he came across my name and that he didn't have my number. I told him that I had his number and would call him but not from work. I want to call him and remind him of why we quit talking. And tell him not to call me again. Although part of me doesn't want to call him at all and just act like he didn't call. Not sure what the OA thing to do about this is, because I had no intention of calling, but the honesty part of the program says be honest. "Hi...yes I remember you and your actions and words are judgemental and mean and that is why we stopped or at least I stopped talking to you." Not sure I owe him that.

Struggling tonight. Feeling lonely and I don't like it. I haven't been to my garden in 3 weeks 2 of those were recovering from my knee injury. Some gardners complained about the weeds. In the old days we used to ask about the gardener first and find out if their was a reason the plot was untended. It was much more community oriented then and we gathered socially and looked out for each other. Oh well times change.My mind keeps going to a FB post and I don't remember it exactly but something like Leave behind or walk away from that which doesn't benefit your life. When someone from the garden calls it is never kind or community based so time to let it go. And that feels incredibly sad

Pause

I took a long pause away from the blog. Then I spent the past week immobile with a muscle strain that had me wheeled into my doctor's office last Monday. I had to stay off my feet for most of the week. I had recently started walking again, and signed a team up for the Swedish Summer 5K that benefits the research of ovarian cancer. Today I cancelled the team. For whatever reason my HP was to pass. And I am finally ok with that. I go back to the doctor tomorrow. I am finally feeling in a good place. At last check I had lost some weight. I heard from a genuine kind man who is actually intelligent with creative hobbies outside of his career. And that is merely an impression from a 15 minute conversation from one meeting last summer. He FB messaged me apologizing for not replying to a show invite (I invited lots of folks) as he had not been on FB for over 6 months. We proceeded to message and fingers crossed he will be at my summer fun healthy bbq :) Bonus if he brings his guitar. And in the meantime my incredible friends brought me over a wheelie office chair so I could actually get to the bathroom last week, went grocery shopping for me, and just called and checked on me. What great family they are, yes my logical family. I talked briefly with my new boss today, she reminds me of the ocean, calm but with tremendous power. I like that. We'll see. I am focused on taking care of myself and am keeping that commitment to myself. No job is worth what I let it do to me previously. No man is worth it either. There are good men out there, intelligent, kind, healthy men and there is no reason in the world for me to not have one of those men in my life, instead of the posers in the past. I realize now I am not a poser, I am intelligent, kind, creative, and entitled to love, laughter, happiness and joy. Thank you HP, program, and all my friends and partners in recovery.