I was supposed to have walked the hill by now, but instead am inside doing laundry and sleeping. Basically hiding. If I didn't have to leave the house today I wouldn't. But funerals are important. I laid in bed this morning and crossed my arms over my chest and wondered what it would be like. No more pain, no more thoughts, no more disappointments. Just wondered. Maybe the funeral will give my breath back. Either way, the tears will seem normal.