Poems and Pumpkins

I read at Bookfest this weekend and it felt great! The crowd was extremely small maybe 25 people. The organizer thought Bookfest was adverstising, oops, got that wrong. Even so I still at some level forget the audience (not too much, have to check in on their engagement factor) and read. It felt good. When I sat down next to a playwrite/shortstory writer, she said, Damn girl, so I figure I did my job. I mean isn't that what a reading is? That is how I view it I want to astound and amaze through words. Maybe Spalding Gray was hoaky to some people, but he was the first person I saw who kept an auditorium full of people enthralled with words. Just words. He sat at a table and read from his loose script and the whole audience was silent or laughing and it was the most beautiful feeling, my soul hatched butterflies, it was marvy/fabulous and made me cravenous. (I don't know if that is a word, but I like it)

After the reading, we came home and carved pumkins. Aaron's is one of those tall lean pumpkins like him, and mine is short and squat with a grin that has that totally evil/silly thing going on and it frightens me horribly.


For my support team in life: BS morning mostly 94 - 104 and after today, making a more conscious effort to check it in the evening. Still bellydancing.


And now here is the poem I read:

Hunting Season
for Tony

I searched all the no tell motels and found him. Finally. Rather than stay and face me he ran. Not far enough. The rumpled bed sheets and peeling wallpaper hinted at despair. Not nearly enough. I craved torture, but the rabbit might find his hole. All the crucifixes adorning his light fixture would not save his Christian ass. Redemption, too late for that and not nearly enough. He stands at the window, vertical blinds disturbed by his movement of the AK47. The gun he points at me means nothing.

Be content now. Know that I have skinned the rabbit. Take my ashes far from this rot. Return to our woods where we skinny dipped. Scatter me along the lake, feed me to the fish. Then catch one fry it up and eat.
Marta Sanchez

Pink eye

I am stuck at home with Pink eye. I hate this!

Mammoth band aid

I have a mammoth band aid on my palm. I fell going up the stairs at the grocery store and landed with the keys digging into my palm. A piece of me lies on the Safeway floor. As I was walking along I noticed my palm dripping. Determined to get the cheese for the soup and the bread, I ran all over the store holding my hand palm up. Then Aaron drove us home, and had to put all the soup fixin's together. Of course he bandaged me up before starting our dinner. Did I mention how spoil't I am ...SPOILED!

Thanks my love, Aaron, you are the butter to my bread (Julia Childs)

Hope

I woke up this morning alive. It was a good alive. After running in my sleep, yes I read Ann Ross's Miss Julia series and it is as close as I will come to reading mysterious as the stories involve an elderly/senior woman who always finds her way into bulgarly/town politics/murder etc and the lastest read had me running in my sleep. But this time I knew I wasn't in danger. Unlike The Savage Season which had me wake up remembering two snipers aiming their guns at me as I crouched alongside a car. But I digress. I woke up alive alive and my blood sugar was 94 - really good, and I gave myself a Reike treatment, then did bellydancing and then ate a wonderful scrambled egg with mushrooms, a red and a gree pepper, basil, cheese and secret spices Aaron puts in. Damn that man can cook a good breakfast. I am so spoiled in the morning, my house must smell like rotten eggs, cuz that is how he makes me feel, spoiled rotten. And I love it!!

I can't wait for the bells

I did more bellydancing tonight. It was a little easier. And followed up with trying a core workout video. Not quite there yet. The best part was Aaron starting the bellydancing video with me and then just letting me and watching the video. We agreed yes it is a sexy form of working out. I love really being in my hips afterwords. I think I sit up straighter too!

Tomorrow I will try the other bellydancing video and the dancing for weightloss video. I am just testing them out through the library to see which ones I want to buy and keep when I don't feel like going to the gym. I will start back up with Mark in December. The weight lifting is important as there is literally a 100% increase in weightloss when one incorporates weights so am looking forward to December.

I still need to get my afternoon binging under control, but not giving up, pressing on, I will reign it in!

We have the DVD The Art of the Piano, and hopefully will watch that tonight, but we might go the Fiddler's Inn too.

Who knows! I can't wait have a meeting about the reading on Sunday the 25th. I can hardly wait!

Oh and for my support team. I forgot to take my BS this morning, but it was 98 yesterday morning.

Catching up

BS - yesterday am:98
PM: 95

Today am: 104
afternoon 80

I got the bloodwork from my doc and everything, but my triglycerides are in the right range. Fortunately, I am working to correct that. I have been making my lunches and dinners more so am getting my nutrition end squared away. I just received about 4 videos from the library ranging from Bellydancing for weightloss to Core exercises so am gradually re-incorporating work outs. I do actually miss the gym. I like to do the intervals on the treadmill, ok yes I may sometimes feel like I hate it, but am looking forward to work slowing down so I have some more energy to go to the gym. I know catch 22 the workouts/gym will give me more energy, but just am too tired to even make it there. Oh well.

In the meantime I am extremely excited about reading at Bookfest, I have a poem I really like so fingers crossed that it all goes right.

Kiteboarding

2 Saturdays ago, Aaron and I went to Golden Gardens. I saw the most beautiful thing I have seen in a long time. Man and nature, a symbiotic relationship. I craved a 120lb. body, a kiteboard a kite, and the carefreeness of a 20something. The colors were far more dazzling. The boys were lifted in the air by the caught wind and landed with crashes. Grins lit enough for this beachdweller to see. I want to be the kite. Or maybe the wind. Or maybe the young boys. This is my craving for the day.

Prose

http://pugnaciouspinoy.blogspot.com/

Oliver de la Paz, I just finished a workshop with him on prose/genre/poetry/rules/guidelines, etc. It was one of the best workshops I have been to. I am off to write at Bustle. He had me start a poem that I am flushing out for my spot in the Nortenos Day of the Dead reading at Bookfest on Sunday, October 25th, 5 or 6pm. I can't wait.

Slipping

It can be a slippery slope as I start again, so to recap

BS- yesterday am 98 (not quite sure ate fast food late)
PM - don't know

And going to check this morning.

I took the day off and am exhausted. I worked my normal shift went to watch the girls play soccer was back in the office at 5pm and worked until 8:30pm. Came home talked to the wonderful Aaron for about an hour and crawled into bed. I am going to miss him this weekend. He is back in P.A. helping his mom with the yard. Oh well. At least he is the type of man who will help his mom when she asks. Off to get my car looked at, it sounds like a rocket ship blasting off so hope it is just the muffler. And I will remember that food does not make the car news better whatever the news is!

A good night

Evening blood sugar 111
Morning bs: 111

The numbers

Ok, so I won't be afraid of the numbers I might as well post those to:

Weight (as of at the doctor's office Friday): 277.8
blood sugar this am: 118

Weight: - I had been down to 262 for my surgery. Prior to that was at 305 and that wasn't even my high, just when I finally weighed in. I won't go back there. I have my lunch and snacks packed. So am ready for the day.

Blood sugar: - In the morning in Feb. when I had my surgery is was normally in the
90's with a high of 107 ir 110. The nutritionist says under 120 in the am so still good, but better in the 90s. The 80s for me has felt uncomfortable so I will shoot for the 90s again. Maybe a walk after dinner AB?

The evenings is supposed to be under 160, last nights was 135. Previously it was
107 - 114, definately need to be getting my walks in.

Ok, off to my day job.

I forgot

How could I forget to comment on my amazing man and his support. Let me just say, he cares about my health and not my appearance. Or at least he is attracted to me in spite of the weight, and he doesn't want me to end up a skinny minnie either. That is what is key. I grew up where it was all about appearance and not health and heard a lot of if you only lost 10 pounds think how pretty you would be. Nice backhanded compliments or in other words no compliment at all. Ahhh reflection. The good part is that a comment like that would have floored me before, and I would have gone home and binged, and now after a recent similar one I remembered it is about that person. I care about my health. I want to be here for Aaron, Jenn, Lorena (her boys), Ellyn, Erica and Eugene, Deanna, etc. So the first step for me has been eating better. I had a pretty good day yesterday. And have a good plan for today as well. And Aaron will be here tonight for lettuce wraps...yummy. I love him so much. He is my heart. Got to run off and be an adult now.

I think the economy is making everyone sick.

Yes. I went to the doctor yesterday and we talked about my weight gain. And how where I work I am the sole full-time person in the equivalent of a 1200 person building. Joy. Joy. In R's words...My Glamorous Job ...

But then I went and paid my car insurance. And oddly enough my insurance agent is my friend or more importantly was my friend before she was an insurance agent. She is getting married in July to a great guy and I am so happy for her. Anyway she of course noticed the bloody bandage on my hand, and it was gross this time. There was a new vampire in the lab, and I got queasy even pulling it off when I got home. But I digress. Jenn always inquires as to my health, we have done long walks on a weekly basis, had healthy meals together, and girl talk so she sincerely is concerned about me as a person. I don't know why that amazes me that someone on this earth actually cares about me, but it does. Anyway I told her A would loose basically close to 70 pounds by her wedding day. She made me shake on it and was very excited. It was extremely funny. So I guess I better get back on it.

And with that if there is any reader out there wanting to send inspiring comments that would be welcome!