I'm back...

More tonight.

Saturday, in the Park

Ok, I have the Chicago song in my head I don't know why. A and I went to the high school football game and left with 8 minutes left in the 4th quarter. We were ahead 24 to 0, it was amazing. The school football team, lets just say umm doesn't normally do so well. The boys caught passes, intercepted the ball, and somehow bounced up after being nailed with sledgehammers (ah youth). I am so proud of the kiddies. Between them and the girls soccer team that is so close to almost winning, although I am told this Thursday there is a major chance of victory. Yes, while I generally speaking only like professional sports if I am actually at the sport watching, I love watching my kids play.

After the game we came home watched a nonengaging arthouse film about some cult octopus evil character and played backgammon. I say A cheated, and he says no. I forget I am not supposed to be nice when I play games so it was probably my fault. Heck I even felt guilty at basketball try outs in high school because I didn't want to compete against my friends and so slacked off. The gym teacher when we were playing in class would say somewhat angrily, why are you not on the team. See gym was different, it was a class a grade where I was supposed to play hard with my friends against my friends so it was ok. Ah life.

Anyway woke up and went to go get coffee at you know it Bustle. Realized someone had opened my gas tank, hopefully not putting anything in it (so far so good) and and taken out my side view passenger mirror.

A had a lot of things happen to his car by someone who is still harassing him so is worried, and from that side I am a little scared. I talked to one of my bestest friends who happens to be a lawyer, just to hear her confirm file a police report. So I did. That way if a pattern starts everything will be legally documented. Ugh.
Thank goodness I have such good friends. Some in some powerful positions so I guess I shouldn't be too worried.

Everyone send good vibes though!!!

Exhaustion

School is exhausting. Even so now I am involved in Bookfest and reading for Los Nortenos on Sunday, October 25th, and possibly again on November 6th for the Day of the Dead at Phinney Ridge. This is all after Murder of Prose reads on October 2nd. Which should be interesting as one writer said she was not inviting anyone and another said she would bring her partner. I offered to make postcards, but after thinking on this I thought why bother. As it stands only one writer said he had a bunch of people wanting to hear him read. So what exactly is a bunch? Lets just say I sent out 25 postcards for the last reading and had 18 people show up. But I guess if people aren't going to bring an audience it is going to be a reality check to them when no one shows up to the reading. Some lessons need to be learned the hard way. Seems I never stop being an educator...dang!

writing

I have a poem in my head and instead of getting my journal and writing it down I keep coming over to this infernal computer and playing Astropop. Yes. I am resisting writing. Like a little kid, anything but cleaning my room. I need to quit procrasting and just write the damn poem. I believe it is called Markings. So see it is all done. I title it normally at the end, but uh guess if I remember all the edits I made in my head it should be fine. Right...right. Where is that red pen and does it fit inside my ear?

Tired

All I want to do is sleep.

A massage before I sleep

Blackened Salmon, chopped Romaine, thick slices of parmesian, sailboats, and for dessert an hour long+ massage. What a good man to take such good care of me in this hectic work week. He is off to help his mom this weekend, and I am going to miss him wholeheartedly.

Blueberries

I had the best blueberry pancakes last night. And am exhausted tonight. Aaron is going to come over and he was going to cook again, but am really wantging something even remotely um healthy so am going out for a caeser salad with salmon. Yes we have an ent. coupon for $20. off dinner so we should get a good deal. I am so tired. I forgot how early 5:30am comes. I can't wait to sleep in and then work out on Saturday. If I didn't think I would fall asleep driving to the gym I would have gone today. The office has been insane. Parents and students and phones and emails and payroll, etc. etc. etc. As I was leaving in the parking lot after I told myself I was leaving on time, and it was 20 minutes past a teacher came running after me to get into the office. I feel guilty that I waved her away, but hell I don't think I even went to the bathroom today. Yikes, my poor bladder and kidneys! The principal was still there and there were a couple custodians around so I shouldn't feel too guilty it isn't my fault she left her stuff in the office.

Crazy. In another week we will have hired someone and after waiting for HR we will have someone in about 2 weeks so I will have some help. Of course then I won't need it, but such is the world of unions and the slowest HR dept. in the world. Ugh. Tomorrow is Friday though. Tomorrow is Friday. Tomorrow is Friday.

Donde esta Nedra?

Rebecca,

Where is Nedra, I want to read more Nedra. I want to feel more bees in my mouth, do you think the raspberry jam will attract them?

Marta

I am trying to find the energy to make chicken fajitas. I have the sauce, peppers and onions. Peppers from the farmers market and onion from my garden. I planted my peppers to close to the tomatoes (which are covering my counter) and so I must rely on the farmers gathering to buy one of my favorites. I had the day off - Labor Day, and went to work out at the gym. There is a room sealed off in some type of clear plastic there is a note on the door. The note reads something to the effect of this room must be paid for in advance and can only be used 30 minutes a day. If you start feeling faint or dizzy.... I just keep picturing a human gerbil on display only instead of the wheel you get to pick a treadmill or a stairmaster. Of course I had to ask the manager what it was, and he said you burn three times the calories when working out in that room. I didn't ask for the research behind it, but think it must have something to do with being watched. The room just begs for it, clear glass a workout machine, and now it is time for Frito..I mean Frank the human gerbil...can't you hear the ringmaster....

Jam Session

I didn't quite have enough raspberries so I added plum to my virgin freezer jam expedition. There are some that say freezer jam doesn't taste as good as stovetop jam and there are some that prefer freezer jam. I don't know. I do know my stovetop jam had a tendency to turn into soft hard candy, not quite syrup, not quite candy. So crossing my fingers that this works. But I like the looks of 3 fancy plastic ware containers on my counter resting until it is time to go in the freezer. I can't wait to try it!!!

Schools out for summer

Hey what happened, who is ending summer on me? Dang. School starts Wednesday. No strikes or such. I think our district recognizes that hello there is no money out there, the economy still sucks (in spite of what your local news says as Ursula Rucker says Don't believe the media and so I get a whole bunch of kiddies back and teachers this week. Ok. The really good amazing side of this.

I suspect I will work at a minimum 8.5 hour days, but probably 9.5 hour days this week/month. Aaron is going to come over and cook me dinner Wed and Thursday so I can just come home and relax. Isn't that the most thoughtful thing. I am loving this journey he and I are taking.

If you are going back to school enjoy. If you are not and don't know Ursuala Rucker or her work then consider this school:

http://www.myspace.com/ursularucker

Say it with me now: Single Payer Health Care

Uncivil Discourse
Friday 04 September 2009
by: Bill Moyers | Visit article original @ Bill Moyers Journal


Bill Moyers: The editors of THE ECONOMIST magazine say America's health care debate has become a touch delirious, with people accusing each other of being evil-mongers, dealers in death, and un-American.
Well, that's charitable.
I would say it's more deranged than delirious, and definitely not un-American.
Those crackpots on the right praying for Obama to die and be sent to hell — they're the warp and woof of home-grown nuttiness. So is the creature from the Second Amendment who showed up at the President's rally armed to the teeth. He's certainly one of us. Red, white, and blue kooks are as American as apple pie and conspiracy theories.
Also See: Henry A. Giroux | Living in a Culture of Cruelty: Democracy as Spectacle
Bill Maher asked me on his show last week if America is still a great nation. I should have said it's the greatest show on earth. Forget what you learned in civics about the Founding Fathers — we're the children of Barnum and Bailey, our founding con men. Their freak show was the forerunner of today's talk radio.
Speaking of which: we've posted on our website an essay by the media scholar Henry Giroux. He describes the growing domination of hate radio as one of the crucial elements in a "culture of cruelty" increasingly marked by overt racism, hostility and disdain for others, coupled with a simmering threat of mob violence toward any political figure who believes health care reform is the most vital of safety nets, especially now that the central issue of life and politics is no longer about working to get ahead, but struggling simply to survive.
So here we are, wallowing in our dysfunction. Governed — if you listen to the rabble rousers — by a black nationalist from Kenya smuggled into the United States to kill Sarah Palin's baby. And yes, I could almost buy their belief that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction, only I think he shipped them to Washington, where they've been recycled as lobbyists and trained in the alchemy of money laundering, which turns an old-fashioned bribe into a First Amendment right.
Only in a fantasy capital like Washington could Sunday morning talk shows become the high church of conventional wisdom, with partisan shills treated as holy men whose gospel of prosperity always seems to boil down to lower taxes for the rich.
Poor Obama. He came to town preaching the religion of nice. But every time he bows politely, the harder the Republicans kick him.
No one's ever conquered Washington politics by constantly saying "pretty please" to the guys trying to cut your throat.
Let's get on with it, Mr. President. We're up the proverbial creek with spaghetti as our paddle. This health care thing could have been the crossing of the Delaware, the turning point in the next American Revolution — the moment we put the mercenaries to rout, as General Washington did the Hessians at Trenton. We could have stamped our victory "Made in the USA." We could have said to the world, "Look what we did!" And we could have turned to each other and said, "Thank you."
As it is, we're about to get health care reform that measures human beings only in corporate terms of a cost-benefit analysis. I mean this is topsy-turvy — we should be treating health as a condition, not a commodity.
As we speak, Pfizer, the world's largest drug maker, has been fined a record $2.3 billion dollars as a civil and criminal — yes, that's criminal, as in fraud — penalty for promoting prescription drugs with the subtlety of the Russian mafia. It's the fourth time in a decade Pfizer's been called on the carpet. And these are the people into whose tender mercies Congress and the White House would deliver us?
Come on, Mr. President. Show us America is more than a circus or a market. Remind us of our greatness as a democracy. When you speak to Congress next week, just come out and say it. We thought we heard you say during the campaign last year that you want a government run insurance plan alongside private insurance — mostly premium-based, with subsidies for low-and-moderate income people. Open to all individuals and employees who want to join and with everyone free to choose the doctors we want. We thought you said Uncle Sam would sign on as our tough, cost-minded negotiator standing up to the cartel of drug and insurance companies and Wall Street investors whose only interest is a company's share price and profits.
Here's a suggestion, Mr. President: ask Josh Marshall to draft your speech. Josh is the founder of the website talkingpointsmemo.com. He's a journalist and historian, not a politician. He doesn't split things down the middle and call it a victory for the masses. He's offered the simplest and most accurate description yet of a public insurance plan — one that essentially asks people: would you like the option — the voluntary option — of buying into Medicare before you're 65? Check it out, Mr. President.
This health care thing is make or break for your leadership, but for us, it's life and death. No more Mr. Nice Guy, Mr. President. We need a fighter.
That's it for the Journal. I'm Bill Moyers. See you next time.


In America, we have the best government money can buy.......

Wet

I did the stairs and at the bottom there was a dead mouse. The last time I did the stairs there was a dead squirrel at the top. I think it is time to return to the gym, no dead animals. Yes I have a phobia about dead animals, years of living with older brothers.

Oh summoned to the table for fresh made blueberry pancakes.

YUMMY!

Magic Man

Aaron is magic. He can soothe me much like Jonathan Kingham's music. Anyway, Aaron is making me blackened orange chicken tonight for dinner. Yummy!

No Fun

Ok. My doctor said my periods would start getting worse again, but does the PMS have to too? Outside of last Friday's meltdown, and having every machine I touched at work this week to the waiting game and phenomenally lousy tickets for a travesty of a show I waited for 2 years to see to today. Yes today when I was excited after balancing my checkbook to see yes I have money for birthday presents for others of course to getting ready to leave to meet a couple friends for lunch and I couldn't find my wallet. Now this is of course the Friday of a holiday weekend and I know people will be driving like freaks and all so do I really want to drive to West Seattle? No. However, if I don't find my wallet I need to have some money on me as it is a 3 day weekend. So I drive to the credit union and miss my turn on the way. Lovely. Driving home I call and tell my friends unless I find my wallet quickly I won't make it as it is past the meeting time anyway. So I get there have a great lunch and visit. Then go to the dollar store because they always have ginourmous gift bags for things like pillows as a wedding present and do they have any. NO. Of course not. In the store I think of calling Aaron to see if he wants anything, but is my phone in my pocket where it should be as I used it to let my friends know I was on my way? No. Is it in the car? No. I figure it must have slipped into the back seat as it does sometimes. And yes it is there. Am I leaving the house to get my soap/shoes and cards I had planned on doing today? NO. Am I asking Aaron to drive this weekend yes. I am not taking any chances as it is one of those extra special PMS times for me. Lucky me.

A Little Disappointing

As you may have read by now yesterday going to see Wicked was a disappointment.

The day started out so promising. I found a new bus route to A's. Then I waited for him to put in a DVD, and flip through some coupons, then we waited for a bus, and we waited for the bus and we waited for the bus, then we went to get him some food at McDonald's and then I told him we didn't have time to go to a bookstore so we finally went to the box office where weyes you all know the word waited in line for tickets. Key word waiting....By the time we got there all the good seats were gone. So I paid way to much money for bad seats. I hate that. Honestly. I won't ever do that again. If you can't see the faces of the actors it is a waste of money. And I intentionally got the day off to go because I would be able to get the good seats for a matinee instead of sitting in the fucking poor section. So watching a show that I couldn't really see and seeing how the director's interpretation well missed some of the highlights of the book - I get that you only have 2- 3 hours for a play - to utterly changing the ending of the original book/TV show/movie to a Disneyesque ending sucked. The best part of the day was having clam chowder at Von's after the play. Next time on the first of the month I will go and wait in line at the box office after work. Apparently they open at 10am. On Wed night there were still good seats available so it is my own fault. But yes I will never pay for tickets again when I can't see the actor's faces. It is so not worth it!!!

harumph

Wicked the play, some stories have unpleasant endings for a reason, what was the director thinking... lets take the story and make it Disneyesque??? Why? Why? Why?

Aaahaaaaaaa

It is a Wicked morning and with sun a rising any Wicked thing could happen. Mirror mirror on the wall what Wicked thing will befall?

Off to be Wicked, you all be good now.

A fly just flew on my super big old school monitor...can you hear it Help me Help me Help me.

It looks like a kind fly like it has more character than germs.

hmmm

When I was leaving the new writing group Murder of Crows tonight. Which was interesting. I will leave that there. I love the women and the varying skill levels ok, not leaving there, because I feel like such a phony. In the past I wrote 3-15 minute pieces and now I struggle filling up a page. So tonight I am walking out with one of the girls who finished first in a marathon (in her 20s) with a plate (previously of cucumber sandwiches and cherry tomatoes and some guy yells from a car, put down the plate and lose some weight or some other derogatory statement involving the word fat. I was so engrossed in our conversation and honestly realize at this stage of my life that the statement was more a comment about the person yelling than me. But damn if my little 20 year old friend didn't yell something like Fuck you Asshole. And gosh the sweetness of her defending me I realize now makes me tear a little. Yes. In the past I would have been up all night with my low self esteem doing crunches as opposed to oh say having a slice of marionberry pie. But even that would be reactionary, because I am sated now. So I don't need the pie, and yes the crunches would be good, and maybe I will do them, but strictly because I have been doing them all along as I try to embrace my workouts again. I just don't want to do them as a reaction to the person I don't know from Adam trying to make me a bad person. So thanks to my heroine tonight. And thank goodness I am finally learning to let things go without eating through it. I will get better at this emotional eating thing. Actually I am already getting better at it. So once I can start consistently doing my work outs again the weight should start falling off again. And damn I hate spending so much time talking/writing/blogging about weight. How much time do women spend a day thinking about weight/fashion/makeup/bodytype, etc. etc. etc. Dang. So back to the important stuff Murder of Crows is having a poetry reading October 2nd at the Phinney Ridge Community Center I forget what time, and I am kind of excited about it. Something about tonight. I kind of feel like a poet again tonight, it feels good. How I have missed that feeling....Oh I can't fight this feeling anymore, ...is running through my head... sing it Steve Perry...was it Steve Perry or wait was it REO Speedwagon hmmm??? (Or is my musical illiteracy completely showing now)

Quiet times

Comforter

Ovaltine in a huge pink mug
relishing the smooth taste
the tv blares
and the keys softly type type type

pillows
one, two, three, four,
and another that is square
wait for me

to cast a spell
and give me dreams
not the one with the two
rifles aimed at me

a quiet one
for a quiet night