Reflection

The last time I was at Rainier was in the 90s and I weighed 130 pounds less. The mountain was beautiful. Even on 3 hours sleep. But I wish I had been at least well rested. The reality check from the mountain was good fitness wise. My friends and my boyfriend are concerned with my health. I wish I could be. Maybe if I think about watching my mom die. How frightening, how incredibly scary. And how sad, I remember watching my sister feed her scrambled eggs. The ultimate role reversal. Now I am just sad. Thinking about her death just makes me sad. I need a motivator. The surgery was one. But I don't need to have anything else go wrong that way, I am just almost done paying that bill off. So once I pay that off, next month and then pay off a small remaining balance on a credit card I can get the trainer I like again. So about 2 months. I have to try and step up the workouts myself though too. It won't help having a trainer if I am not doing anything myself.

I guess I used to feel embarrassed about my size. And sometimes I still do. Sometimes it is just easier to give up though. And life has been hard....

Enough of this sudo pity party, off to the garden.

(on that note the onion, broccoli, and squash from the garden were great on the campout. I can't wait to make them here :)